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Man Gets Blister On Thumb That Looks A Bit Like Kim Kardashian’s Arse

A plastics industry worker today revealed that he has a blister on his thumb that looks a bit like Kim Kardashian's arse. "I've no idea how it happened really," the man said. "But I was taking parts out of an injection moulding machine which required trimming of excess flash with a knife. The parts were pretty hot so I was wearing gloves but it was giving my thumb some serious grief... "When my day ended I took off my gloves and found that … [Continue Reading]


What's that you say fat boy? - A woman off the telly - not the feisty one.

If Donald Trump Puts His Grubby Little Mitts On Me I’ll Rip His Nut Sack Off – Says Feisty Woman

If Donald Trump lays his grubby mitts on me I'll rip his nut sack off - says feisty woman The feisty woman issued the intimidating statement in the bar of a … Continue Reading...]

Best of CS

Dear Niggle - ah fink yew are..."

UKIP to offer EXPRESS readers FREE online remedial ENGLISH lessons

Reports are suggesting that UKIP are set to roll out a programme of free online remedial English lessons for its members who comment on the DAILY EXPRESS website after a study found that 99.7% of kipper … [Continue Reading...]

Lenny catches some rays and lots of raindrops.

Blackpool deckchair man refuses to let summer go

As most Brits reluctantly accepted that summer is over by donning jackets and coats as the mercury dropped, one man made a gallant if somewhat misguided gesture of defiance by sitting on a deckchair on … [Continue Reading...]

Ooh Nigel baby! You naughty Brexiteer!

Nigel Farage denies giving Donald Trump a hand job

Former UKIP leader Nigel Farage today denied reports that he'd given Donald Trump a hand job when the pair shared a stage in Alabama during the Republican presidential campaign. When Cafe Spike contacted Mr … [Continue Reading...]


Pippa Middleton’s arse more attractive than her face, say people

Pippa Middleton, the sister of the Duchess of Cambridge, whose arse stole the show at Kate and Prince William's wedding was shocked to discover that public opinion rates her arse higher than it rates her … [Continue Reading...]

Very nice and all that but it doesn't attract readers.

“Tits get clicks” claim hotly disputed by failed website Editor

Claims that naked breasts and cleavage pictures in online articles attract viewers have been hotly disputed by online magazine editor Martin Shuttlecock, of "What a load of old shite," … [Continue Reading...]

We're coming for your hedgehogs ya bastards!

Migrants are eating OUR hedgehogs claims academic

Professor Ken Mist of Titchfield University astonished the scientific community today by apportioning the blame for the UK's rapidly declining hedgehog population on migrants. Because the migrants are eating … [Continue Reading...]

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