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Love Potion Number 9 - It might be beetroot juice...

Triumphs of Marketing – Love Potion Number 9

So there you are with your new date, the lights are low, music is playing softly in the background, you've showered, made sure that your underwear isn't falling apart and any unsightly sprouting pubic hair has been dealt with. The only thing remaining to do is to seduce your partner into playing 'Hide the Sausage'. Alas good manners dictate that you can't come straight out with a crude statement of intent (Unless you live in Cardiff of course) so … [Continue Reading]

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Lord Mustard Pants Of Thanet - still smiling despite becoming an endangered species.

Help Us To Save Nigel Farage

Having heard that Nigel Farage has received death threats from anonymous sources and that he can't go out in public without fearing for his personal safety … Continue Reading...]

Best of CS

You forgot the poppy - dickhead!

Where’s your poppy Farage?

It seems that Nigel Farage - the thinking man's patriot - made a monumental cock up as he blagged his way into a meeting with US President-Elect Donald Trump, by forgetting to sport a poppy on remembrance … [Continue Reading...]

Do I look like I'm panicking?

DON’T PANIC! DON’T…ERR…PANIC!!!

When Donald Trump was asked some time ago whether he'd ever consider entering the political arena, he responded that he had no particular political aspirations, but added that if he had he'd run on a Republican … [Continue Reading...]

The offending toilet, which neighbours described as a shit hole.

Japanese student sucked down creep’s toilet

The mystery disappearance of a female Japanese student has finally been explained by her landlord, who neighbours and fellow tenants described as a 'creep.' 19 year old Sukira Yamamoto, a student from … [Continue Reading...]

Lest we forget - wanted for murder.

Murdering bastard Iain Duncan Smith lies through his teeth about Ken Loach’s ‘I Daniel Blake’ film

The CV doctoring expense, claiming, murdering former Minister for Work and Pensions has said that parts of Ken Loach's film 'I Daniel Blake'  are "simply not true." The film covers the shocking treatment … [Continue Reading...]

Dear Niggle - ah fink yew are..."

UKIP to offer EXPRESS readers FREE online remedial ENGLISH lessons

Reports are suggesting that UKIP are set to roll out a programme of free online remedial English lessons for its members who comment on the DAILY EXPRESS website after a study found that 99.7% of kipper … [Continue Reading...]

oct16-048

Man Gets Blister On Thumb That Looks A Bit Like Kim Kardashian’s Arse

A plastics industry worker today revealed that he has a blister on his thumb that looks a bit like Kim Kardashian's arse. "I've no idea how it happened really," the man said. "But I was taking parts out of … [Continue Reading...]

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