Inauguration was “massive” insists Mayor Barry Slade

Crowds pictured en route to the abbey.

Crowds pictured en route to the abbey.

The mayor of Titchfield today announced that Friday’s inauguration ceremony at the abbey was, “massive, yugely attended, and the biggest and best ever.”

Despite eye-witness and photographic evidence which clearly show only eleven attendees (five of whom were intending to visit the neighbouring garden centre but took a wrong turn) Mayor Slade warned reporters (including us) not to look at the evidence, but to trust him, because he was there.

“I know what I saw,” Mayor Slade fumed. “I saw a lot of people, many people, a crowd going back as far as I could see – all the way down past the Fisherman’s Rest to Titchfield Mill. To suggest that only eleven people turned up for the inauguration is ridiculous. All those people, that crowd, all that clapping and cheering, I’ll never forget that. I know what I saw and I’m telling you that I’m absolutely correct, and the press is wrong. Very wrong. So very, very wrong. On every level. Just wrong.

“And I’ll tell you something else – my crowd was way bigger than the last Mayor’s. A lot bigger. Multiple times bigger. And it would have been bigger still if not for the road works on the A27 by Fareham station and the fact that they held the meat raffle two days early in that pub in Portchester.

“You’re all pathetic and fake anyway and I hate you all.”

More as we get it.

Paddy Berzinski

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