People Who Write ‘FACT!’ At The End Of Online Posts Are Morons – FACT!

MAIL ONLINE!!! VOTE UKIP!!!!

MAIL ONLINE!!! VOTE UKIP!!!!

If you’re one of those smart-arsed internet commentators who add the word ‘FACT!’ after posting some smugly conceited comment on an internet forum, you might not really want to read this article. Because the reality is that punching ‘FACT!’ out on your keyboard whilst foaming at the mouth doesn’t exactly bestow upon you an air of intellectual superiority.

It just makes you come across as a proper knob-head.

‘FACT!’ is the latest incarnation of POSTING A COMMENT IN UPPER CASE TYPE – which in itself automatically informs your reader that you have nothing worthwhile to say, but that you’re going to post in big shouty letters anyway. Because it takes prominence on screen.

It doesn’t.

Nobody with half a brain ever reads anything posted in Caps Lock because by its very nature it reveals itself to be moronic without having to take the trouble to read the content. Readers just know it’s going to be crap. End of.

That’s another one. End of. End of rarely ever exactly means that, because it isn’t the end of anything. It’s just an open invitation to continue an online argument. It’s designed to wind the ‘sheeple’ up.

Sheeple? That’s another irritating term, which implies that the commentator in question has all the answers, whereas the sheeple, a bit like sheep, tend to believe that things such as chemtrails, the illuminati, the New World Order, Reptilian alien space monsters, the Loch Ness monster and suchlike don’t exactly exist. They’re just the product of some fevered dream fired up in some lonely sad case’s bedroom.

These days, with the wonders of online communications all the sad cases can gather in cyberspace, together, and commune with like-minded delusional halfwits.

If you’re reading this and silently nodding to yourself in agreement, thinking that all the above mentioned ‘types’ are card carrying members of the tin foil hat brigade – then don’t. Because people who comment with words to the effect of ‘polish your tin foil hat up’ are just as fucking irritating.

Which brings us to the grammar nazis.

Now, we all appreciate that even the best of us make typos from time to time, especially if you’re messaging on a phone or an iPad, because it can be a bit fiddly, moreso if it’s done in haste. Like on a bus, train, or in a toilet cubicle at work. Most people understand that, and make allowances.

We’d argue though, that in some cases there are serial offenders – and strangely enough, they almost invariably appear to be politically minded right wing extremists. Who are ‘TAKING ARE COUNTRY BACK’ or some such bollocks.

We’d like to suggest that anyone who wants to take ‘are’ country back, or stop these marauding alien hordes from spreading ‘they’re’ filthy religion after storming ‘are boarders’ might use as a starting point getting to grips with their own fucking native language.

And, in closing, as is our wont, we leave you with: ‘VOTE UKIP!’

As seen ad nauseum all over comments pages on the likes of mail online and the express. Whether you actually choose to VOTE UKIP or not is none of our business. Suffice to say that Nigel Farage makes David Cameron and the late Rusty Lady look like left wing students embroiled in a poll tax riot – but hey…it’s your choice.

Want to end animal cruelty? VOTE UKIP! Want increased pensions and a fairer deal for the vulnerable? VOTE UKIP! Want to become an isolated nation cut off from our European neighbours? VOTE UKIP! Want to send every foreign born UK resident packing? VOTE UKIP!

Quite frankly we don’t give a toss what you do.

But we would be eternally grateful if some of you would confine your stupid thoughts, ideas and misguided messages to the inside of your own skulls and not share them with a mainly disinterested world.

You know who you are.

End of.

Reporter: Paddy Berzinski

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