Shitting Dog Clip Goes Viral

Sack The Photo Editor - They Aren't Dogs

Sack The Photo Editor – They Aren’t Dogs

When Mary Anne Copperkettle went out for a stroll in her local park a few days ago, she had no idea that a mongrel dog struggling to achieve a successful bowel evacuation on a patch of grass would be the key to her future. Fortunately for Mary Anne she had her phone with her, allowing her to record the momentous event for posterity. She subsequently uploaded the footage to You Tube and was astonished when it went viral, amassing over three million views within the first hour of it being made publically available.

“I didn’t think anything of it at first,” she told our reporter. “It was just a manky old dog scratching at some grass. It wasn’t even cute looking, but the way it was scratching at the grass and turning around in circles somehow caught my attention, so I got my phone out and started filming it.”

The ensuing footage, which lasts for a few seconds less than three minutes quickly captured global attention.

“It wasn’t until the dog dropped into a squat and started straining its neck that I realised I might be onto a good thing,” Mary Anne said. “Then when its tongue started lolling about and it started shaking I realised that I had something special.”

With ‘special’ being the operative word. The clip goes on to show the dog turning in wild circles, shaking and thrutching and wiping its arse on the grass, with its neck muscles straining fit to burst before it leaves a sizably proportioned if somewhat steamy deposit on the yellowed grass. As the clip winds up, the dog’s relief is almost palpable.

“I think that’s why the clip took off,” Mary Anne said. “I mean, it’s something that we can all relate to; that build up of tension, the mounting suspense, the climactic circling and then the release, and the subsequent aura of blessed relief. To me it was hugely symbolic of the human condition, a bit like having sex with somebody you’ve fancied for years, the fulfilment of a fantastic dream. I think it strikes a chord deep down in most people. Either those who have successfully consummated a relationship with a distant lover, or those who’ve managed a huge shite following days of constipated frustration.”

Sadly, the aftermath of the event – a council employee shovelling the shit up and dumping it on a flower bed – was not captured on record, which according to Oxbridge scholar and turd historian Brian Stool is a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions.

“It’s a missed opportunity,” Stool said. “This steaming heap of dog shit encapsulated the entirety of the human experience, and now it is lost for all eternity. We start off with shit, live a shitty life, and then we complete the cycle by turning back into shit. It’s all a bit shit really and would be a complete waste of time were it not for the fact the end product nourishes the roses, thus propagating life and experience, as well as looking and smelling quite nice. Which is more than the shit ever did.”

A profound summation indeed – although frankly we could make neither head nor tail of it.

What never ceases to amaze us is how seemingly innocuous events can lead to stunning new horizons, and that’s a fact when it comes to Mary Anne Copperkettle. Within days Mary Anne’s crapping dog clip was generating significant advertising revenue, with TV companies and the press taking up the story in what has developed into a thriving franchise, and the money is absolutely rolling in.

“I’ve been offered a six figure sum to write a book,” Mary Anne told us. “And the major movie studios are already fighting over the rights. The title of the book is: ‘How A Shitting Dog Changed My Life.’ It’s part autobiographical and part self-help manual. Isn’t that great?”

It certainly is. And all because a dog decided to have a shit at the perfect moment in time.

Reporters: Cox & Shuttlecock.

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