Theresa May addicted to lemon-sucking claims quack doctor

Is this possible? Could Theresa May’s continuously gurning visage be a side effect of uncontrolled lemon sucking or is it just a load of old nonsense? We contacted the quack doctor who made the outrageous claim and this is what he told us: [Read more…]

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Our Farewell Note To David Cameron – Piss Off!

Pig botherer quits. Loser.

Pig botherer quits. Loser.

We doubt that porky porker Cameron will ever read this, but just in case you do stumble across this article, our message to you is – Piss off!

Goodbye and bollocking good riddance to the worst Prime Minister this country has ever had. We hope you’re fucking proud of your legacy Dave – austerity, mounting debt, ripping the arse out of the NHS, kicking the crap out of the sick and vulnerable, food banks, Brexit, tax breaks for your rich pals, zero action on corporate tax evasion, cuts to public services that even horrified your mother, and of course not forgetting the allegation that you plonked your prick in a porker’s mouth.

We just have one question to ask you, as you sit counting your offshore based millions after leaving our nation neck deep in shit as a result of your egomaniacal folly – can you take drooling Gideon Osborne and that murdering bastard Iain Duncan Smith with you?

We don’t usually do rants, but if we did they’d probably be a bit like this one.

Piss off ya prick!!!

Love you not,

Cafe Spike dot com.

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Has England Sold Its Soul To The Devil?

Once Upon A Time We All Worked Together As A Team

Once Upon A Time We All Worked Together As A Team

So, the election results are in, and as Mr Cameron himself might say, the electorate have sent out a clear message to our political leaders that we want the next five years to be presided over by the Conservative party. True – not everybody wants it, but the geopolitical minority obviously do. That’s democracy in action.

For the less well off, the elderly the sick, those who care about our NHS, those on low wages and zero hours contracts it maybe isn’t such an enthralling prospect. It’s another five years of living on the edge, food banks, insecure low-paying jobs, praying that you don’t ever get sick, and sort of wondering where all these people actually are who you read about in the Daily Mail? You know the ones – the ones the Sun calls ‘benefit scroungers,’ the ones who ‘come over here taking our jobs’ and walking out of benefit offices with the keys to a posh house in Mayfair and pockets stuffed with cash? The ones with the big plasma screen TVs who drive brand new BMWs, holiday in the Caribbean and dine out at Michelin starred restaurants?

I’ve never known anybody on benefits who lives like that. And I’ve known a lot of people who survive on benefits; strangely enough, none of them were exactly living the high life.

The less well off in our society – including the millions engaged in low-paid employment are pretty nervous right now. Given that the coalition government have absolutely hammered the most vulnerable in society, and with a promise of even greater austerity to come, their concerns must be taken seriously. Nick Clegg, the former Deputy PM and Lib-Dem leader has said that the influence of his party in its coalition role reined the Conservatives in to some extent, preventing them from going all-out psycho on the poor. Now that restraint has been removed and the Tories have a free hand.

Not much more than a century ago, when the British Empire was the most powerful in the world, when the rich lived in palatial luxury, the poor made the money – in the factories, in the shipyards, in the steelworks, down the coal mines, and for their labour they were worked slowly to death in appalling conditions, crowded into ramshackle slums and left to their own devices. If you didn’t work you didn’t eat, if you got sick you died. Happened every day. Most people couldn’t read or write. Travel was unheard of. People lived and died in the same small area and rarely went anywhere other than home or to work. Some joined the army, fighting for the Empire. Women were second class citizens. Life was brutal. Life was short and generally extremely unpleasant.

It was these people who were sacrificed on the fields of Flanders, these people who shed their blood, the same people who manned the factories, the mills and the pits who fought the enemy and were regarded as expendable.

Things changed. It wasn’t a simple process – this isn’t intended to be a historical document, merely a fleeting overview. Things changed because people began to care about each other, they formed alliances and fought a new enemy – oppression. The trades union movement was born – bringing equality and fairness to millions, education and womens’ rights to vote were fought for, and the crowning glory was that the National Health Service was created.

It must have seemed like Utopia – fairness at work, dignity, a sense of pride and the envy of the world – the NHS.

Consecutive governments – both Labour and Tory – have fought tooth and nail since the 1960s to either claw back, or completely remove these freedoms, and we the British public have not only allowed them to do this – we’ve given them our blessing, patted them on the back and applauded them. Something like leaving everything you’ve ever earned to your executioner because you think he’s doing a damned good job.

And before you start – no this is not some left wing socialist rant. I just want to know why we don’t seem to care about our fellow man any more. It’s a simple enough ask. We used to pride ourselves on our community and national spirit, we used to support our families, our mates and their families, our workmates, we used to have compassion, not just for our own people, for any group of people who were having a hard time. We used to send food to famine victims, help to the victims of natural disasters, and sometimes we still do back up a worthy cause but it appears to be a dying trait of our national psyche.

What happened to us? At which point did we actually stop giving a fuck about anyone else?

I spend quite a bit of time online, and sometimes it can be pretty disquieting. On the one hand you get people purring over cuddly animal stuff on Facebook, and you get people starting petitions because somebody shot a cat with a bow and arrow, or outraged because somebody dropped the ‘F’ word (The word is fuck.) on a TV newscast, and on the other hand you get people advocating gunboats in the Mediterranean and being applauded for it, and a lunatic fringe who want to pull us out of the EU because they’re afraid of Muslims. (You really couldn’t make this shit up.)

Are these people the new voice of Britain? Are these the same self-righteous people who voted in a government which has already started the creeping privatisation of the NHS? The government who vow to recoup billions from the most vulnerable in society whilst they turn a blind eye to their tax avoiding chums and the zero tax paying multinational corporations? Is this what the new voice of Britain voted for? Among a raft of equally nasty measures perpetrated by a government which will clearly only benefit the rich – who have got considerably richer as the poor die. Is this what we really want?

It must be. We voted for it. That’s democracy – even if we do have the worst performing government in a century? A government which presides over the biggest rich/poor gap since Victorian times? How did that happen?

For one thing – Rupert Murdoch and his insidious media empire. Aided and abetted by the Telegraph and the Mail. They warned of chaos if Miliband got into power and allied himself with the SNP, which seems a trifle hypocritical considering that there’s been chaos since 2010 and nobody has been effective in dealing with it. The Sun happily publishes xenophobic rants by middle aged women who ought to know better (Katie Hopkins) whilst the Express donates to UKIP, supporting its extreme right wing agenda – at the same time as the Mail, once UKIP friendly – suddenly coming to regard UKIP as a threat to the Conservative vote, omits to mention Nigel Farage at all in the days running up to the election.

UKIP were dealt a bad hand in reality – even though they shook up the mainstream parties with their xenophobic stance to a degree whereby immigration suddenly leapt up the agenda, second only to the economy. UKIP became cannon fodder because they threatened to erode the right wing vote. We all know how that turned out, and to be honest I won’t be shedding any tears over Farage. Whichever way you look at it, this election was a massive con – designed simply to divide and rule – and the electorate fell for it, hook line and sinker.

In my own constituency, Fareham, in Hampshire, a Conservative won by a landslide. I wonder if the electorate ever actually realised that by casting their votes that way they were virtually green-lighting a huge development plan known locally as Welborne, which will inevitably place unbearable strain on our already overstretched infrastructure. And that doesn’t even include further development programmes involving thousands of new dwellings. It all seems eerily reminiscent of the day after the 9/11 atrocity when I remarked to a colleague: “That was terrible. The most shocking thing I think I’ve ever seen in a nation at peace.” The reply was: “I don’t really care. It doesn’t affect me.”

But didn’t it affect us all? That’s the trouble. We’ve sold our souls. We’ve all been had. And the really sad thing is that we don’t seem to care.

Martin Shuttlecock.

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