Donald Trump Stole Kim Kardashian’s Bra, Swears Mail Reader

A distraught Kim pictured yesterday in Wolverhampton.

A distraught Kim pictured yesterday in Wolverhampton.

Avid Daily Mail reader Tom England is convinced that Donald Trump stole Kim Kardashian’s bra after pictures emerged of the reality TV star wearing a see-through top and no bra emerged on social media.

“When I saw the pictures of Kim all but showing her top bollocks off I knew straight away that somebody had stolen her bra, and that somebody has to be Donald Trump,” Mr England said last night. “He’s the only one who fits the bill. I used to be a Trump supporter but the recent revelations regarding his sexist exploits have put me right off him.

“It’s not at all like Kim to go out half dressed unless there’s a very good reason for it, and I’m convinced somebody stole her bra. Having completed an online course in criminal profiling I applied the basic principles to the case of Kim’s stolen bra and lo and behold, Donald Trump emerged as the prime suspect.

“My research has also revealed that Barack Obama has had full sex with Michelle Obama at least twice, that the Queen is really a man named Bert, and that Katie Price is a sex robot experiment that didn’t work out as planned.

“But of course the New World Order wouldn’t ever allow me to say such things in public. They’d have me assassinated or something.”

And…

That’s enough of that nonsense, thank you very much.

CS

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