Candy Crush Saga Destroyed My Life Claims Failed Author

The Dreaded Level 29

The Dreaded Level 29

It’s the online game that most everybody plays, but which few dare to mention. Candy Crush Saga – the point of which appears to be to blow up toffees until such time as there’s nothing left. That’s where the sugar crush kicks in and players can proceed to the next level. It’s the game of the century (for the moment at least) but it must be pointed out in the interests of humanity that Candy Crush Saga destroys lives.

As Michael Myers of Hatfield, Herts found out to his cost.

Myers, whilst pursuing a career as a novelist via self-publishing inadvertently stumbled upon an invitation on social networking site, Facebook, to try the game. It didn’t pan out well.

“I was experiencing an episode of writer’s block,” Myers explained. “I was part way through penning an erotic novel about vampires, aliens, zombies and psychopaths systematically destroying the town of Accrington in Lancashire when I hit a mental roadblock. I couldn’t for the life of me come up with the next line, so I went on Facebook and got connected to Candy Crush Saga. Life’s never been the same since.

“I was only looking for a temporary distraction, but before I knew it I was hooked. My psychiatrist tells me that it all probably started with Space Invaders – like an illness. By the time I got to Level 29 I’d started drinking heavily. I couldn’t complete the bugger. My wife even suffered a coronary as she was washing up and I didn’t even notice because I only had two jellies left and one move.

“Suffice to say I didn’t get to Level 30. That’s when I called an ambulance. The wife’s currently on life support and I still haven’t cracked Level 29. It’s all too stressful for me. I’m on crack cocaine, crystal meth and heroin now. I’ll crack Level 29 or die trying.”

Good luck with that Michael.

Although you probably will die trying.

Reporter – Paddy Berzinski