Ten Christmas TV Specials We’d Love To See

It's Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch 'The Evil Dead.'

It’s Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch ‘The Evil Dead.’

Strictly Not Dancing – Ten couples who all have two left feet flatly refuse to dance and prop up the bar despite being cajoled by a panel of judges possibly including Jeremy Clarkson, Holly Willoughby, Donald Trump, Nicole Scherzinger and a meerkat out of the Compare The Market ads.

Gogglebox Watch – Drunk people eating massive takeaways are filmed watching and reacting to Gogglebox on the telly, saying how they either like or dislike the Gogglebox regulars and revealing which ones get right up their noses. [Read more…]

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Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins to present Great British Bake Off

Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins are both so elfin fugly we've put a pic of Michelle Keegan up wot we got off t'internet instead.

Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins are both so elfin fugly we’ve put a pic of Michelle Keegan up wot we got off t’internet instead.

The much loved former UKIP leader and the highly regarded Mail columnist are currently the favourites to take over presentation duties on GBBO following the show’s switch to Channel Four from its original BBC slot.

“Katie’s a natural choice for the slot,” a theatrical agent who insisted on anonymity told Cafe Spike. “Her appearances on This Morning alongside Holly Willoughby and Pip Schofield galvanised her reputation for representing ordinary people. She’s in tune with the common people, as she proved by filming herself getting shagged in a field by a pig herder.

“As for Nigel Farage – he’s just so charismatic and attractive that millions of formerly straight UKIP voters just want to be gay for a day and share a bed with him smoking fags, having sex and drinking Bombardier beer whilst slagging off foreigners and pretending not to be racist.

“Which doesn’t bode well for Nadia, but the bottom line is that Katie and Nigel know all there is to know about fruit cakes.”

More as we get it.

MS

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