Couple laugh off lop-sided boob job

Andy and Kate in hysterics as the rogue left boob makes a break for freedom.

Andy and Kate in hysterics as the rogue left boob makes a break for freedom.

Andy and Katie Earnshaw, a young married couple from Harlow today saw the funny side in what could be construed as a personal disaster after a plastic surgeon got his implants mixed up and fitted Katie with a D implant in her right breast and an FF implant in her left breast, leaving the young bride spectacularly imbalanced in the Bristol City department.

“I was really flat chested at school and the other girls used to laugh at me,” Katie explained. “Then I met Andy and he’d always fantasised about having a wife with massive wonky tits but he couldn’t find one. So he got me instead. But he always vowed that one day he’d pay for massive wonky implants.

“I wasn’t keen on the idea at first, so I insisted that the implants would have to be symmetrical, and Andy reluctantly agreed. The guy who performed the surgery had really bad eyesight and I was horrified at first when I woke up and saw what he’d done, but I love my new boobs now and wouldn’t change them for the world.”

“I’ve been advised to sue the surgeon,” Andy told us. “But truthfully I’m delighted with the end product. When we go to bed at night I get Katie to do naked star jumps and it makes my day when her boobs bounce in opposite directions. The right one is a delight but the left one really makes my day and cracks me up. It sort of droops a bit then sticks out to one side and it’s mesmerising watching it bounce about like a partially deflated rugby ball. You’ve got to laugh…”

“I laugh my head off too when I’m doing the naked star jumps,” said Katie. “It’s really funny, but I have to be a bit careful. If I get too enthusiastic my left boob drags me off balance and I’ve banged my head on the wardrobe a few times by accident. Some people might think it’s a bit odd but it’s no different than having bunk beds really.”


Whatever that means…

Ted Pemberton.


Letters To Cafe Spike – Tirelessly Working For Charity

Dear Café Spike

I’m planning on having breast augmentation surgery in November, to boost me from a B-cup to a double D-cup for charity. If anyone cares to donate can they contact me via your inbox? If this enterprise proves to be successful I’ll also consider having a bit of liposuction and some botox treatments. I appreciate it’s a heck of a sacrifice on my part and that it’s likely to be a painful experience but with adequate financial support I’m confident that I can make this perilous journey.

Elsie Rhinoplast

PS – If there’s anything left over I’ll have hair extensions, a spray tan and me nails done.