Back to the drawing board for sex robot designers

A faulty sex robot pictured last Tuesday on the inter web.

A faulty sex robot pictured last Tuesday on the inter web.

The sex robot industry is in crisis today as designers were accused of dereliction of duty after fitting newer models with ultra-lifelike artificial intelligence.

Advances in technology have resulted in sex robots that are so realistic that they could easily be mistaken for real women, but customers have inundated manufacturers with a torrent of complaints over the levels of AI that have been installed in later models.

“Every time I’m up for it and I take my robot to bed she turns her back on me and says that she’s too busy to make love because she’s installing updates,” said disgruntled customer Martin Carroll of Basingstoke.

“Mine constantly nags me for leaving the toilet seat up,” added Ted Pascoe of Norwich.

“That’s nothing,” hooted Richard Madeley from London. “Every time I get to the vinegar stroke mine freezes up and starts buffering.”

“Mine’s so intelligent she starts laughing when I take my kit off,” said Alun Tribal of Titchfield. “It’s a nightmare.”

Sex robot designers are said to working hard at dumbing down their models by installing Katie Hopkins level AI and offering reasonable part exchange deals to customers currently possessing defective models with more than a third of a brain.

More high tech malarkey as we get it.




An angry EXPRESS reader pictured at the weekend

An angry EXPRESS reader pictured at the weekend

The ailing tabloid plumbed ever gloomier depths today as it headlined with a fake story about a Lebanese ‘child bride’ on its website. In a deliciously ironic twist, the Express managed to bamboozle its own readership as outraged readers pounded their keyboards in order to EXPRESS their fury.

The story, which involved a middle aged man posing with a child bride was a social experiment carried out in Beirut in order to gauge the reactions of passers by as the ‘happy couple’ posed for photographers – but many EXPRESS readers didn’t seem to get that bit.

What the right wing EXPRESS attack dogs don’t appear to understand is that nobody in their right mind, regardless of political persuasion, condones child abuse, child grooming or children being forced into marriage. The problem is that the EXPRESS and the extreme right seem to think that they alone are the possessors of a moral compass, ergo anyone who disagrees with them is a paedophile – even though that isn’t the point.

The sad truth is that these constant attacks are based on an old Nazi strategy. It’s all about dehumanising those who are viewed as enemies, instilling fear and hatred into everyday people and the removal of individuality. Hence the use of the word ‘migrants’ and the stream of sex attack stories. It’s cynical manipulation in order for the EXPRESS to reinforce its anti-EU stance among its gullible readership.

For all its jingoism it would be interesting to know how much the Express owner, Richard Desmond actually pays in taxes, and whether it would be in his own interests to exit the European Union.

In the meantime the EXPRESS continues to publish its UKIP inspired rubbish and the hate messages continue to pour in.

When it comes to dumb and dumber the EXPRESS surely takes the award for DUMBEST

Martin Shuttlecock