Iain Duncan Smith Makes Election Pledge To Help The Disadvantaged

We Didn't Have A Pic Of IDS But Here's One Of His Rich Mates

We Didn’t Have A Pic Of IDS But Here’s One Of His Rich Mates

Conservative Inquisition grand master, Iain Duncan Smith today vowed to give every assistance possible to the disadvantaged in our society, after five years of kicking them in the balls and driving them to desperation, and in extreme cases, possibly suicide.

The Minister for Murder told an audience of prominent bankers at a London hotel that with an election looming it would be ‘morally indefensible’ to continue to penalise poor people for being poor. Following gasps of horror from the champagne and truffle consuming audience, Duncan Smith smiled like a shark, before adding:

“Relax, it’s just an election promise,” he said. “It’s the old carrot and stick ploy – the poverty stricken will lap it up if the greedy avaricious benefit scrounging bastards think there’s going to be something in it for them. Of course there won’t be. Promises were made to be broken, and I’m just the man for the job,” he said.

In related news the MOD announced today that it was considering a government proposal to use the long term sick and disabled for target practice during exercises on Salisbury Plain.