Baltimore, Freddie Gray and Fox News – From A British Perspective

He's an ass-hole

He’s an ass-hole

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or been isolated on a remote island by Bear Grylls for a reality TV show, no matter where you live in the world, you’ll be aware that there has been a ‘sequence of interesting events’ in and around the city of Baltimore, Maryland over the last couple of weeks. We don’t intend to delve into the minutiae of those events here, because that isn’t what this article is really about. We’re more concerned by the Fox News coverage of events, which we’ve followed with virtually religious zeal throughout – principally because we find it difficult to comprehend how a so-called respectable media outlet can be so blatantly biased in its coverage.

Subscribers to the Fox News mantra will without fail – and somewhat predictably – extrapolate that they enjoy Fox News because it has a more right wing flavour than the ‘mainstream liberally biased media.’ That Fox News represents the true voice of the people. In some cases that may have a certain degree of truth to it. In our house we are just mystified by the whole shebang.

It all really kicked off Monday night, following the funeral of Freddie Gray.

Freddie Gray was no angel – we can accept that. What’s a little difficult is that according to reports, Freddie Gray was chased down by police officers for the crime of ‘making eye contact’ and subsequently running away from officers. He was subsequently arrested, loaded into a van and eventually taken to a police station. Somewhere during the course of that ride, or during his arrest, Freddie Gray’s spine was severed and he later died in hospital.

The ensuing protests in the city of Baltimore attracted relatively little media interest. Several nights running, citizens took to the streets, demanding justice, demanding an inquiry. These protests were peaceful. Maybe the fact that they were peaceful is the reason that they went largely unreported. We aren’t qualified to come to a conclusion one way or another on this issue.

Cut to Monday April 27th, the day of Freddie Gray’s funeral.

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Britain First Left Bewildered By Latest Edition Of Charlie Hebdo

What Does It Mean?

What Does It Mean?

Unprecedented demand for the first edition of French satirical magazine Charlie Hebdo, since the Paris massacre a week ago has resulted in an unprecedented print run of 2 million copies, one of which we brought back to London in the early hours of this morning. The 16 page edition continues the exuberant and anarchic tradition of the magazine, and to our surprise, one person who was chomping at the bit to read it was Britain First member Conan Templar.

“It’s anti-Muslamic innit?” Templar said as he examined the magazine. “That’s what it’s all about. Anything that’s anti-Muslamic is okay by me. I’m with Charlie Hebdo all the way, and wiv all them Frenchies what come out on the anti-Muslamic march on Sunday. Fair play to the old snail scoffers – they ain’t ‘avin’ it no more. ‘S a pity more of our own people aren’t filled up wiv the courage of their connections. We needs to make a stand and take our country back. Like wot the Frenchies are doin.’ They showed what they’re all abaht on Sunday – patriotism – not sittin’ abaht like hippies singing bladdy John Lydon peace songs.”

As Templar tucked into a pie n mash breakfast washed down with a mug of builder’s tea, his expression changed radically as he thumbed through the Charlie Hebdo magazine.

“What’s this crap?” Templar spluttered. “It’s all in bladdy foreign innit! Bladdy Frenchies! What’s up wiv ’em? Don’t they speak ‘er Majesty the Queen’s bleedin’ English or wot? This is no use to me Chief – can’t understand a bleedin’ word of it. Might as well be in hydroponics as far as I’m concerned. What a load of old shit!”

At which point our reporter made his excuses and left.

In the brave tradition of Sky News we can’t show you the cover of this edition of Charlie Hebdo because it would be irresponsible and we don’t want nutters with guns coming after us.

In related news, both Britain First and Fox News have been nominated as ‘Best New Comedy Act’ in the Perrier awards at the Edinburgh Festival.

Or so we’re told.