World Hide And Seek Champion Still Missing

They seek him here...they seek him there...

They seek him here…they seek him there…can you see him?

The world ‘hide and seek’ champion, Pierre ‘La Bouche’ Parmesan, a former native of the Paris suburb of St Denis is still missing according to Interpol.

Parmesan was last seen contesting the World Hide and Seek Championships in Barcelona, Spain, in 1992.

“I closed my eyes and counted to a hundred before opening them again, but Parmesan had vanished,” Parmesan’s opponent in the championships that fateful day – Jordi Caballe of Barcelona told reporters yesterday. “After a couple of hours of seeking I gave up and went home for my supper.

“I’d forgotten all about it until the police knocked on my door this morning and asked if I’d seen Pierre. When I told them I hadn’t they told me he’s been missing since 1992 – I was speechless.”

“We’re not going looking for him,” said Barcelona police chief Carlos Guardiola. “When it comes to hide and seek the guy is world class. We wouldn’t stand a chance.”

Parmesan’s wife, Juliette appealed to any member of the public who may by chance encounter Pierre to tell him to go home because his tea’s ready again.

More as we get it.



Where’s Gideon? Has Anybody Seen Him?

Gideon (pictured on the right) is easily recognised by his waxy complexion. And he might possibly have some white stuff on his nostrils.

Gideon (pictured on the right) is easily recognised by his waxy complexion. And he might possibly have some white stuff on his nostrils.

It’s the new game that’s taking the nation by storm since the referendum result was announced – the hunt for George Osborne, erstwhile Chancellor of the Exchequer is well and truly on.

Gideon – as we like to call him – hasn’t appeared in public since the referendum result was announced, which has led to all manner of speculation, given that his boss – Bacon Bonce Cameron at least had the good grace to address the nation in order to inform us that he’s chucked in the towel.

So where is Gideon?

Some say he’s beavering away at the treasury trying desperately to make some sense out of the economic carnage caused by the Brexit vote; some say he’s gone off on a drug and alcohol fuelled bender, and some insist he’s buried up to the nuts in some high class call girl or other.

Here at Cafe Spike we’re not sure. The best we can come up with is that he’s buggered off to China because he thinks the Chinese are his mates, and that he’ll hand them a bung in order to promote football or the dog eating festival or something.

To be honest, we haven’t a clue where he is.

If anyone sees him can you let us know?

Many thanks.

Cafe Spike