Back to the drawing board for sex robot designers

A faulty sex robot pictured last Tuesday on the inter web.

A faulty sex robot pictured last Tuesday on the inter web.

The sex robot industry is in crisis today as designers were accused of dereliction of duty after fitting newer models with ultra-lifelike artificial intelligence.

Advances in technology have resulted in sex robots that are so realistic that they could easily be mistaken for real women, but customers have inundated manufacturers with a torrent of complaints over the levels of AI that have been installed in later models.

“Every time I’m up for it and I take my robot to bed she turns her back on me and says that she’s too busy to make love because she’s installing updates,” said disgruntled customer Martin Carroll of Basingstoke.

“Mine constantly nags me for leaving the toilet seat up,” added Ted Pascoe of Norwich.

“That’s nothing,” hooted Richard Madeley from London. “Every time I get to the vinegar stroke mine freezes up and starts buffering.”

“Mine’s so intelligent she starts laughing when I take my kit off,” said Alun Tribal of Titchfield. “It’s a nightmare.”

Sex robot designers are said to working hard at dumbing down their models by installing Katie Hopkins level AI and offering reasonable part exchange deals to customers currently possessing defective models with more than a third of a brain.

More high tech malarkey as we get it.

CS

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Apple MacBook Pro a massive disappointment says local man

Shuttlecock - still banned from the Express comments section despite owning a MacBook Pro which has been a massive disappointment.

Shuttlecock – still banned from the Express comments section despite owning a MacBook Pro which has been a massive disappointment.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, who invested in a state of the art Apple MacBook Pro laptop computer some time ago has declared that his investment has given him little more than massive disappointment.

“My Apple MacBook pro laptop computer has been a massive disappointment to be honest with you,” said Shuttlecock, who found his Apple MacBook Pro laptop computer to be a massive disappointment according to reports. “I was expecting a whole new world of information technology and online entertainment to open up before me and it simply didn’t happen.

“Once I’d plugged it in and got it up and running it proved to be no better than my old Dell laptop, the one covered in fag ash and beer spillage.

“I was expecting a dramatic improvement in my Facebook page, but it was just the same old shite as usual, and even on my Apple MacBook Pro laptop the Express comments sections are still frequented by the same depressing nutters, as is the Mail online, which contains exactly the same bullshit as it did on the old Dell laptop. I really do think Apple need to up their game if they’re going to be competitive and justify charging extortionate prices for hardware that just spews out the same old crap day after day.

“I even looked at my own website, www.cafespike.com and it was just as crap as it was on the old fag burn scarred Dell.

“And still nobody likes or shares our stuff. If you ask me, I’d say Apple need to sort their act out.

“This MacBook Pro has just been a massive disappointment.”

More as we get it.

* Next week – Shuttlecock reveals why his new LG HD 3D TV is a massive disappointment because there’s fuck all on it worth watching.

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