Ten Christmas TV Specials We’d Love To See

It's Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch 'The Evil Dead.'

It’s Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch ‘The Evil Dead.’

Strictly Not Dancing – Ten couples who all have two left feet flatly refuse to dance and prop up the bar despite being cajoled by a panel of judges possibly including Jeremy Clarkson, Holly Willoughby, Donald Trump, Nicole Scherzinger and a meerkat out of the Compare The Market ads.

Gogglebox Watch – Drunk people eating massive takeaways are filmed watching and reacting to Gogglebox on the telly, saying how they either like or dislike the Gogglebox regulars and revealing which ones get right up their noses. [Read more…]

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Have A Dirty Weekend On Us!

But Don't Break Your Arse Doing It

But Don’t Break Your Arse Doing It

Yup – we’re serious. Unlike most logical websites, Café Spike likes nothing more than to swim against the tide, buck the trend, break the mould, fly in the face of overwhelming odds, or whatever it is they’re branding it this week. In a nutshell, what we’ve decided is that we’ll publish new stuff over the weekend – when nobody’s really looking – as opposed to trying to tempt bored call centre operatives on regular working days with utterly witless drivel, usually described in the inner sanctum as click-bait.

It probably won’t do us much good commercially, but at least we’ll escape the stinging barbs of the critics, which sort of makes life in general less demanding for us. So we’re relatively happy with that.

And we’re pleased to announce that everyone’s a winner, because all you have to do is click on our singularly unspectacular link, and we’ll do our best to keep you entertained for a short while. Which sounds like a good deal to us because it doesn’t cost you anything and you won’t be bombarded by crap adverts for dating services, chicken broth, organic bicycle clips, free range sausages or money squandering ‘investment’ schemes.

We can’t promise to be really deep and meaningful like Jeremy Kyle, or riotously funny like Denise, the agony aunt out of ‘This Morning’ but what we can promise is that we’ll try to entertain.

Then again, Michael Barrymore only ever wanted to be funny and entertain, and we all know how that worked out.

Reporter: Ralph Harris.

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