Express makes “fake news” accusation. The irony…

Bollocks!

Bollocks!

At a time when the British public don’t really have much to laugh about, given the terror attacks on Westminster Bridge, the Manchester bombing, the Borough Market atrocity and the Grenfell Tower catastrophe, the Daily Express doesn’t disappoint when it comes to disseminating rank hypocrisy. Indeed, it would be funny or at best bitterly ironic that the “respectable” face of Britain First wallows in its own excrement, but it really isn’t.

This is the Express – an organ that refers to itself as a news outlet, which in itself is a laughable concept, accusing Corbyn supporters of spreading fake news.

It should be funny, but it isn’t.

This is the Express – the arsewipe of a rag that’s been spreading outright lies about the EU for decades, the Muslim hating Express, the rag which preys on benefit recipients and single mothers, the Express that detests refugees, the Express that shits and pisses on reality on a daily basis on its vile website frequented by vile basement dwelling sexually frustrated individuals.

The Express are the people who spread outright lies about the EU – banning bacon sandwiches, banning curved bananas, stating that the EU is an unelected dictatorship.

The very same Express which publishes stories about Barack Obama and Angela Merkel passing secret “Illuminati” hand signals, that can’t even give a reliable weather report, that basically spouts zero other than absolute bollocks on any given occasion.

They’ve accused Corbyn “supporters” of spreading fake news regarding reporting restrictions on the control of casualty figures from the Grenfell Tower catastrophe on a blog. Actually the Express are clutching at straws and failing as usual with these lurid accusations by attempting to associate them directly with Jeremy Corbyn.

In short – it’s all bollocks. Everything the Express publishes is bollocks.

And worst of all, it’s nasty divisive bollocks. The Express epitomises everything that is wrong in this country. We have a brief message for the Express:

FUCK YOU!

Cafe Spike

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Paul Nuttall – Internet Sensation

No swivel eyed loon this lad.

No swivel eyed loon this lad.

In this, the first of what may or may not develop into some kind of series, we take a look at iconic British heroes, kicking off with ex-professional footballer, Stoke on Trent resident and Hillsborough survivor, UKIP leader Paul Nuttall PhD who is definitely not a racist. (Allegedly.)

Paul Nuttall has become something of an internet sensation recently, and for all the wrong reasons. Although Nuttall has distanced himself from claims made on his website, blaming anyone but himself it seems that the public aren’t buying it, and the response on social media has been an avalanche of merciless piss-taking on a level only surpassed by Agent Orange, the President of the United States.

If you believe everything you read on the internet, Paul Nuttall has been everywhere and done just about everything, ever, in the history of the world.

Paul’s been everywhere man. He was the one who noticed that Noah was missing a few animals on the ark. This is why we have wombats today.

Paul was at Waterloo don't you know.

Paul was at Waterloo don’t you know.

 

We don’t know who put all these memes together as they’re just screen grabs but if the authors responsible would care to drop us a line we’ll be happy to add names to the collection..

Shuttlecock.

Paul holding the fort with Stanley Baker at Rourke's Drift. He also starred in the film Zulu!

Paul holding the fort with Stanley Baker at Rourke’s Drift. He also starred in the film Zulu!

Give me your money NOW! Paul was on the bill at Live Aid.

Give me your money NOW! Paul was on the bill at Live Aid.

1066 and all, Paul battled with migrants at Hastings.

1066 and all, Paul battled with migrants at Hastings.

I hope my legs don't break - walking on the moon...

I hope my legs don’t break – walking on the moon…

I'm Spartacus! Paul showed the ancient Greeks a thing or two.

I’m Spartacus! Paul showed the ancient Greeks a thing or two.

Paul pictured with the late and much lamented Rik Mayall filming the hit TV show Bottom.

Paul pictured with the late and much lamented Rik Mayall filming the hit TV show Bottom.

The last supper. Paul about to tuck into a chicken Jalfrezi. Lovely!

The last supper. Paul about to tuck into a chicken Jalfrezi. Lovely!

 

 

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Fake News Websites aren’t doing the damage – it’s the ‘real’ ones

Express reporter about to sharpen his quill pen.

Express reporter about to sharpen his quill pen.

The proposal that fake news websites should be shut down, or shut out by social media outlets because they may or may not have exerted an undue influence over real life political issues and voting outcomes, one can’t help but wonder what goes on in the befuddled heads of our so-called leaders. [Read more…]

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Welfare Reform Dramatically Improved My Life – Says Dead Man

Police issued a picture of a possible suspect today.

Police issued a picture of a possible suspect today.

Speaking through the channel of an accredited Spiritualist a dead man today claimed that welfare reforms had dramatically changed his life for the better. The 58 year old who collapsed and died an extremely undignified and public death on the grubby floor of a British factory whilst working shifts for the ‘living wage’ in an intensely stressful environment had nothing but praise for the government’s radical welfare reform programme.

“I had heart trouble,” the man revealed. “It was so bad that I could barely manage a single flight of stairs without having to stop and sit down for a rest. I felt completely useless to be honest. It got to a point where I couldn’t walk more than a few steps without feeling dizzy and nauseous, living in constant fear of losing my balance and falling under a bus or cracking my head on something sharp and suffering some kind of terrible brain trauma.

“I felt like my life was finished and that I’d become a burden to my family and society as a whole.

“Then I was invited to attend a Fitness For Work Assessment and it changed my life in the most positive way possible. I was judged to be fit for work by a fat cunt with his arm in a cast who basically ignored everything I said, but who dramatically improved my life by asserting that I was 100% fit and able to work and subsequently cut my Employment Support Allowance by £30 a week and told me to get off my lazy arse and contribute something to society, which at the time I thought was a bit of a liberty coming from a government funded prick who earned more in an hour being a twat than I could earn on the living wage in a month, but in the end the fat wanker was absolutely correct.

“It changed my life for the better, giving me the confidence to apply for various positions, including Head Goalkeeping Coach at Sunderland FC and sparring partner for Floyd Mayweather in Las Vegas.

“Suffice to say that I didn’t get any of the more glamorous posts that I applied for, but after being sanctioned by the DWP and forced to rely on food banks for basic sustenance I got offered a job in a factory on a production line where you had to have the hand speed of Muhammad Ali in order to make a go of it, whilst being berated by a fat bastard of a supervisor who just stood around shouting at people and watching them struggle whilst making no attempt whatsoever to assist.

“On my third day I wasn’t feeling too well but I went in to work regardless. Seeing as the DWP had declared me fit and healthy enough to work I mistakenly believed I’d be okay.

“Then we had a bit of a pile up on the line where I couldn’t quite keep up, but I did my best because anything is better than being at the mercy of the psychopathic DWP and this bastard of a government, but I keeled over. I hit the floor like a sack of shit and lay there helpless, twitching in my death throes as my workmates went into panic mode.

“I’d have loved to have spent my final minutes on this earth telling my nearest and dearest that I loved them unconditionally, but I drew my last breath on that shitty factory floor surrounded by strangers, and I was grateful to the DWP for making my life better. At least I was in work.

“And the employment agency who employed me offered discounted trauma counselling to my fellow employees, which really made my day as I watched from the firmament above.

“Thanks to the DWP I at least died with dignity. I’d rather that than to pop my clogs on the sofa eating macaroni cheese and watching Judge Rinder.

“It was all for the best really. I just hope my co-workers weren’t too traumatised watching me thrash about in agony and spit my dentures out as I shuffled off this mortal coil. I’m not bitter. Just very, very dead.”

(This article is dedicated to Iain Duncan Smith, the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) ATOS assessors and that poor dead pig whose head suffered a fate worse than death even after death.)

*With all due respect to Judge Rinder.

PB

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Dear Mr Cameron – The Knives Are Out

Little PIIII-IIG! Little PIG! HERE'S JOHNNY!

Little PIIII-IIG! Little PIG! HERE’S JOHNNY!

The foundations of the Prime Minister’s tenure appeared to be crumbling as further revelations of corruption surfaced as a result of the recent leak regarding a Panamanian tax haven which revealed that Mr Cameron’s late father was an avid tax evader.

With the Conservative government’s reputation and honour lying in tatters there are increasing calls for them all to resign or face imprisonment from concerned citizens.

“These bastards are selling off the family silver in order to line their own pockets, and then have the audacity to avoid paying taxes,” irate taxpayer Walter Hetherington raged. “And to fund all this they’re cutting back on public services? It’s ridiculous. How can they possibly sleep at night in the full knowledge that they’re hurting the poor and the sick and hammering the working man?

“I’d suggest that they do the right thing for once and disappear back down their rat holes before the public loses patience and they’re strung up from a lamp post like Mussolini. Or was that Hitler? I don’t know but it’s all a disgrace when you think about it. And we aren’t having it. Enough is enough – Barbra Streisand and the late lamented disco diva Donna Summer once sang – if memory serves.

“Anyway. He wouldn’t ever lie to us.”

 

Ted Pemberton

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