Apple MacBook Pro a massive disappointment says local man

Shuttlecock - still banned from the Express comments section despite owning a MacBook Pro which has been a massive disappointment.

Shuttlecock – still banned from the Express comments section despite owning a MacBook Pro which has been a massive disappointment.

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, who invested in a state of the art Apple MacBook Pro laptop computer some time ago has declared that his investment has given him little more than massive disappointment.

“My Apple MacBook pro laptop computer has been a massive disappointment to be honest with you,” said Shuttlecock, who found his Apple MacBook Pro laptop computer to be a massive disappointment according to reports. “I was expecting a whole new world of information technology and online entertainment to open up before me and it simply didn’t happen.

“Once I’d plugged it in and got it up and running it proved to be no better than my old Dell laptop, the one covered in fag ash and beer spillage.

“I was expecting a dramatic improvement in my Facebook page, but it was just the same old shite as usual, and even on my Apple MacBook Pro laptop the Express comments sections are still frequented by the same depressing nutters, as is the Mail online, which contains exactly the same bullshit as it did on the old Dell laptop. I really do think Apple need to up their game if they’re going to be competitive and justify charging extortionate prices for hardware that just spews out the same old crap day after day.

“I even looked at my own website, www.cafespike.com and it was just as crap as it was on the old fag burn scarred Dell.

“And still nobody likes or shares our stuff. If you ask me, I’d say Apple need to sort their act out.

“This MacBook Pro has just been a massive disappointment.”

More as we get it.

* Next week – Shuttlecock reveals why his new LG HD 3D TV is a massive disappointment because there’s fuck all on it worth watching.

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Local Man Still Hasn’t Done Rubik Cube

A pic of a Rubik cube we saw on the interweb net last Friday

A pic of a Rubik cube we saw on the interweb net last Friday

Following the successful world record attempt at solving a Rubik cube by some smart arsed kid who did it in about five seconds flat, local man and Café Spike staffer Martin Shuttlecock admitted that he still hasn’t completed the puzzle yet, after years of trying.

“I got a Rubik cube in about 1982 or thereabouts,” Shuttlecock told me. “And I still haven’t finished it. Some of my mates managed to do it but I could never quite crack it myself. I just peeled the stickers off then stuck them back on so it looked like I’d done it, but nobody believed me. Eventually I gave up on it and threw it in the bin after all the stickers fell off. However, seeing that smart arsed kid do it in five seconds I felt the urge upon me again…

“So I got one of eBay for two quid. I was only a kid when I first tried it but I’ve matured a lot since then, completing the Sun crossword and playing chess really badly so I set about the puzzle with a will.

“And I still couldn’t do the buggering thing. Sod it. It’s going in the bin and I never want to try it ever again. It’s just too stupid for words.”

Shuttlecock isn’t renowned for his patience, or his affability. Which probably explains why he has no friends and everybody hates him.

Paddy Berzinski

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