The Grand Day Out – Episode Five – Stumbleson Falls

Here We Go Again!

Here We Go Again!

Having left the Naughty Step at Shurrup behind, the charabanc motors sedately along a verdant B-road as it winds through a heavily wooded area. It is a mere 12 miles between Shurrup and Upper Slappington. For the most part, the road twists beneath a leafy canopy, penetrated only by golden shafts of bright sunlight. It is a very scenic drive, with hundreds of interesting trees to look at.

Stumbleson Falls can be located just outside the small town of Upper Slappington, which, generations ago was built around a local stone quarry, but whose principal industry now is a mini-Kiev factory on a modest industrial park.

“It’s rather pleasant here,” the Major opines as the charabanc approaches Upper Slappington.

“Indeed,” says Mrs Percy as she observes an overweight middle aged man – obviously intoxicated – fall flat on his face in the garden of what appears to be a council house. She merely frowns when she sees another man trying to fend off an angry pit bull terrier with a yard brush, a little further down the road. After the dog brings the man down to the ground, anything further is left unseen as the charabanc presses ever onward. [Read more…]

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The Grand Day Out – Episode Four – The Naughty Step

Once More Unto The Breech Dear Friends!

Once More Unto The Breech Dear Friends!

And so the charabanc, its cream and emerald green livery still in pristine condition, and shining like a baby’s bottom at bath time, continues on its way to the picturesque village of Shurrup, and the famous Naughty Step.

An increasingly irritable Mrs Percy turns to the Major, and says:

“What is this Naughty Step thing, Major? I mean, I’ve never heard of it.”

“I’m not certain, the wife, but I’m sure it will be something worth looking at,” the Major replies.

“Well I hope it’s an improvement on Lovers Leap. What a crashing disappointment that was. A proper tear off.”

“Rip off, the wife,” the Major corrects her. “The term is rip off.”

“Yes, well…That was a disgrace. Ten pounds each to see a four foot slope, and getting harrassed by a greasy Ottoman in a burger van…Not my idea of a great day out. Let’s hope this next attraction is a vast improvement.” [Read more…]

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The Grand Day Out – Episode Three – Lovers Leap

Tally ho!

Tally ho!

The charabanc, unsullied by the blight of airborne pollen, the pestilence of squashed insects, or the perils of airborne industrial soot particles, weaves its way majestically from the gloomy depression that is the village of Lower Doom, with its slate grey stone buildings, its lack of meaningful sunlight, and its dour residents, headed for the Lovers Leap at Lippington Mount.

The charabanc’s impressive cream and emerald green livery almost sparkles in the apparent gloaming.

“Lower Doom is a rather morbid looking destination, don’t you think, Major?” says Mrs Percy.

“Oh I don’t know,” replies the Major. “It is possessed with a certain je ne sais quoi..”

“Oh do stop speaking Mexican at me Major,” Mrs Percy says. “You know I hate it when you speak Mexican. It simply isn’t good enough. Conduct unbecoming, and all that…” [Read more…]

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The Grand Day Out – Episode One

A Charabanc Pictured Years Ago

A Charabanc Pictured Years Ago

There can’t be many better things to do on a sunny summer day in England than to air out one’s plus fours, polish up the old brogues, trim the moustache, wipe one’s monocle, and take the good lady wife on a traditional charabanc trip for the day.

As Major and Mrs Percy so sportingly describe herein, as they embark upon a charabanc tour, and invite all the lovely readers along to share in, and partake of the exhilerating experience.

“There’s a charabanc stop at the local newsagent’s shop,” Major Percy explained. “The local charabanc company often run a selection of day trips, and they publish a list on a notice board. It’s awfully convenient if one happens not to be the proud owner of a motorised vehicle.” [Read more…]

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