600,000 Britain First March In Burton On Trent

And The Crowds Roared At The BF Rally In The Back Room Of A Pub Somewhere

And The Crowds Roared At The BF Rally In The Back Room Of A Pub Somewhere

The extreme right political party Britain First were yesterday celebrating a decisive victory in its bid to take our country back, when an estimated 600,000 flag bearing marchers took to the streets of Burton On Trent in Staffordshire protesting the proposed opening of a mosque in the town. According to a Britain First spokesperson BF supporters flocked from all corners of the UK in support of their anti-Islamic message.

“It was a fantastic turn out today,” announced a fat bloke with a megaphone. “Our officials lost count of the numbers at the 600,000 mark when the batteries failed on our Knights Templar calculator. It’s great news for Britain First, and what’s more it means I won’t have to resort to flogging cheap tat out of a suitcase like Del Boy out of Only Fools And Horses. We do it all online these days.”

“It sent a shiver down my spine seeing so many flag-waving patriotic Brits in one place at one time,” said a man drinking Special Brew straight from the can. who identified himself as Wellard Harry from Brentwood, Essex. “I reckon they’ve underestimated the attendance in the official figures. If you ask me it was nearer to a million.”

The march started out from a car park in the town and went largely unnoticed as the throng was escorted by the police through some back streets to another car park where a Britain First speaker got hysterical over something or other and the crowd lapped it up.

However, the wife of a serving Staffordshire police officer had a slightly different view. “My old man hates pulling duty like this ‘event,'” she told us. “He says it’s basically just babysitting a bunch of idiots with nothing better to do, wasting public money and police time and resources that could have been better utilised elsewhere. The bottom line is that these people are a bunch of deluded arseholes with nothing better to do. And there weren’t 600,000 there at all. Somebody somewhere is telling porkies.”

Local resident Steve Tyhurst who heard about the march but didn’t actually see it told us: “I don’t get what they’re about, unless it’s just to do with getting donations off stupid people. If they want to fight they should join the army. Although the army probably wouldn’t have them because they’re too old, too fat, and they’d probably fail the entry level intelligence test.”

A local councillor who asked that his name be withheld told us: “They’re claiming 600,000 attended? Definitely not. When they wave flags it gives the impression from a distance that there’s a lot more of them, which is a bit of a con really. There certainly wasn’t that number on show. In fact I think I can safely say that you could have rounded them up and got them on a single decker bus. They do have a tendency to exaggerate.”

Were you there? Can you read? Drop us a line.

Paddy Berzinski

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