MP’s To Be Subjected To Random Drug Testing

Gideon mate - give yer nose a good wipe before we go in.

Gideon mate – give yer nose a good wipe before we go in.

MP’s based in the House of Commons are threatening to go on strike after being told they face mandatory random drug testing, like footballers and athletes and employees of puritanical multi-national corporations. Members of the National Union of MP’s have slammed the move and are threatening a series of one day strikes in protest at what they describe as “an unjustifiable assault on our human rights.”

One particular MP complained: “I’m not having this. Who is anyone to make life changing decisions affecting my professional life? I didn’t study all my life to become a freeloading profiteer only for some fucking oik to start poking his bastard nose in. I’m a human being too for Christ’s sake.

“Just because I have an addiction to Colombian marching powder doesn’t mean I cant do my job properly. This is a bridge too far. Before we know it they’ll be clamping down on our tax avoidance schemes and scrutinising our expense accounts. If I choose to snort Charlie off an escort’s tits that’s my business. We’re all together on this one. We aren’t having it.”

This one promises to be ongoing.

More as we get it.

Martin Shuttlecock