Ten Christmas TV Specials We’d Love To See

It's Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch 'The Evil Dead.'

It’s Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch ‘The Evil Dead.’

Strictly Not Dancing – Ten couples who all have two left feet flatly refuse to dance and prop up the bar despite being cajoled by a panel of judges possibly including Jeremy Clarkson, Holly Willoughby, Donald Trump, Nicole Scherzinger and a meerkat out of the Compare The Market ads.

Gogglebox Watch – Drunk people eating massive takeaways are filmed watching and reacting to Gogglebox on the telly, saying how they either like or dislike the Gogglebox regulars and revealing which ones get right up their noses. [Read more…]

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Paul Golding and the protest that wasn’t.

Paul Golding and Jayda Fransen pictured storming a mosque somewhere in Yorkshire

Paul Golding and Jayda Fransen pictured storming a mosque somewhere in Yorkshire.

Widely condemned by the media for turning his back on Sadiq Khan’s London mayoral acceptance speech, Britain First’s leader Paul Golding was keeping a low profile today – but is Golding really a racist? And was his back turning gesture really a protest? Behavioural expert and prominent psychologist Professor Alfred Epstein is convinced there’s a simple explanation for Golding’s bizarre behaviour.

“I’ve studied the tapes and can only conclude that Golding was distracted,” wrote Professor Epstein in the London Journal of Psychology. “There’s a point where – as Sadiq Khan approaches the microphone – an expression of surprise crosses Golding’s face. Something has obviously startled him and distracted him from the main event. My guess is that he saw a squirrel or something similar larking about in a tree outside.

“We know from his history that Golding is a racist – although he denies it – but I’m convinced that the back turning episode wasn’t racially motivated. He lacks the intelligence for starters, which explains his “Ooh look! A squirrel!” moment. There’s no doubt that the gesture will have been seen and misconstrued by right wing nutters as a gesture of defiance, some form of misguided patriotic protest by a devout Christian soldier “defending our cultural heritage” or some such twaddle.

“It wasn’t. He’d spotted a squirrel. That’s all.

“Either way you care to look at it he comes out of this looking a right bellend.”

SN

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BF’s Paul Golding Warned To Lay Off The Kebabs

A half eaten kebab pictured last week.

A half eaten kebab pictured last week.

A Britain First insider exclusively revealed today that the far-right group’s leader, Paul Golding has been advised to lay off the kebabs for a while or run the risk of becoming a really, really, fat bastard. BF members expressed concern over the portly gobshite’s rapidly expanding girth, which can be clearly seen on recently released Britain First clips.

“He’s a bugger for an extra large doner with salad and lashings of garlic sauce,” the insider confided. “He often has two a day and he’s on first name terms with the staff at Ali Bullo’s Kebab and Pizza Grill in Swanley. Jayda’s forever nagging him about being a porker but he takes no notice. It was only when Doctor Hassan warned him to lay off the kebabs, and exercise more or risk getting type 2 diabetes that he started paying attention.”

Kebab shop proprietor Ali Bullo commented: “Him come in shop two three times every day. Is good customer but him no really like us. Him smile to face only for kebab – is best in Swanley, but deep in heart him hate us. Is why Mehmet put little extra protein in garlic sauce, if you get what I mean.”

We asked Paul Golding for a comment but one of his minions told us he was out somewhere flogging tat in a shopping centre off a rickety table.

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Paddy Berzinski

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