Ten Christmas TV Specials We’d Love To See

It's Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch 'The Evil Dead.'

It’s Christmas Day and this family are settling down in front of the TV to watch ‘The Evil Dead.’

Strictly Not Dancing – Ten couples who all have two left feet flatly refuse to dance and prop up the bar despite being cajoled by a panel of judges possibly including Jeremy Clarkson, Holly Willoughby, Donald Trump, Nicole Scherzinger and a meerkat out of the Compare The Market ads.

Gogglebox Watch – Drunk people eating massive takeaways are filmed watching and reacting to Gogglebox on the telly, saying how they either like or dislike the Gogglebox regulars and revealing which ones get right up their noses. [Read more…]

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Catch Yerself On Son – Jim McDonald’s Back In Corrie – So He Is

It's Grim Up North So It Is

It’s Grim Up North So It Is

Coronation Street fans the world over were left reeling Friday evening following the revelation that D Wing’s Mister Big – supplier of illicit alcohol to fellow prison inmates, aka The Landlord – is none other than failed husband, father and bank robber, Jim McDonald. The big reveal occurred when wrongly detained remand prisoner and hopeless alcoholic Peter Barlow, son of Ken, got so desperate doing time that he couldn’t resist a drink.

The Landlord would seem to be an obvious choice to approach in pursuit of incarcerated alcoholic oblivion.

Eagle eyed viewers were confidently expecting Al Murray to show up in Strangeways and flog the hapless Peter some dodgy weak beer at vastly inflated London pub prices, but they pretty soon caught themselves on so they did when Jim McDonald turned to face the cameras.

Prison - Like Bloody Butlin's These Days

Prison – Like Bloody Butlin’s These Days

It’s a complicated scenario – particularly in an historical context – because even though Peter Barlow was arrested for a murder he didn’t commit (it was Rob) Jim is no stranger to murder and mayhem, having been almost a murder victim himself when Steve McDonald shoved him off a roof and having murdered somebody himself (that drug dealer who was in the ICU when Jim smothered him with a pillow.)

Ironically, Peter’s sister Tracy has also served time for murder after hitting her then husband Charlie over the head with a blunt ornament, and the pair’s stepmother, Dierdre once married an Egyptian who got stabbed to death on a canal bank. In a tragic coincidence, it’s Tracy’s partner, Rob who actually killed Tina McIntyre because she was making the beast with two backs with his sister’s husband, Peter.

I suspect, but don’t quote me on it.

Anyway, Peter’s dad, Ken is back from Canada where he hasn’t been facing a court case with Kevin Webster over some kind of sex charge and he’s determined to get Peter off, although he isn’t thus far aware that his daughter’s boyfriend Rob is the real killer. I’m confident that he’ll catch himself on so he will with a little help from The Landlord.

To be brutally honest, none of this makes one iota of sense to me, but I was assigned to cover the story, so I caught myself on so I did – after a fashion and did a Wikipedia search.

I’m just praying that these sadistic swines here at Café Spike don’t ask me to cover Dallas or Downton Abbey.

So I am.

Reporter – Ted Pemberton.

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MoD Admit To Existence Of Zombie Prison Camp

Spiked And Razor Wired Fences

Spiked And Razor Wired Fences

The camp, which appears as an unnamed town on Salisbury Plain has long been the topic of choice and the subject of much speculation among locals during the course of general conversation in surrounding towns and villages. Particularly so, late at night in pubs. Finally, the Ministry of Defence came clean today and admitted that the high security facility is in fact a prison camp housing zombies. [Read more…]

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