Express makes “fake news” accusation. The irony…

Bollocks!

Bollocks!

At a time when the British public don’t really have much to laugh about, given the terror attacks on Westminster Bridge, the Manchester bombing, the Borough Market atrocity and the Grenfell Tower catastrophe, the Daily Express doesn’t disappoint when it comes to disseminating rank hypocrisy. Indeed, it would be funny or at best bitterly ironic that the “respectable” face of Britain First wallows in its own excrement, but it really isn’t.

This is the Express – an organ that refers to itself as a news outlet, which in itself is a laughable concept, accusing Corbyn supporters of spreading fake news.

It should be funny, but it isn’t.

This is the Express – the arsewipe of a rag that’s been spreading outright lies about the EU for decades, the Muslim hating Express, the rag which preys on benefit recipients and single mothers, the Express that detests refugees, the Express that shits and pisses on reality on a daily basis on its vile website frequented by vile basement dwelling sexually frustrated individuals.

The Express are the people who spread outright lies about the EU – banning bacon sandwiches, banning curved bananas, stating that the EU is an unelected dictatorship.

The very same Express which publishes stories about Barack Obama and Angela Merkel passing secret “Illuminati” hand signals, that can’t even give a reliable weather report, that basically spouts zero other than absolute bollocks on any given occasion.

They’ve accused Corbyn “supporters” of spreading fake news regarding reporting restrictions on the control of casualty figures from the Grenfell Tower catastrophe on a blog. Actually the Express are clutching at straws and failing as usual with these lurid accusations by attempting to associate them directly with Jeremy Corbyn.

In short – it’s all bollocks. Everything the Express publishes is bollocks.

And worst of all, it’s nasty divisive bollocks. The Express epitomises everything that is wrong in this country. We have a brief message for the Express:

FUCK YOU!

Cafe Spike

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Brexit voters ARE old racist xenophobic coffin dodging wankers – you read it here first

A Brexit voter pictured possibly giving his ex a hand job in some hospital or other.

A Brexit voter pictured possibly giving his ex a hand job in some hospital or other.

Let’s just take a moment to consider the motivation of Brexit voters, [Read more…]

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Black people warned – NEVER put your hands up

A black woman, who'll probably get shot soon for having a broken tail light or something equally trivial.

A black woman, who’ll probably get shot soon for having a broken tail light or something equally trivial.

Prominent British academic, Professor Ken Mist of Titchfield University has advised all black people that under no circumstances should they ever raise their hands, because the likelihood is that should they do so they’ll probably be shot dead.

“There have been countless fatal shootings by law enforcement officers in the United States recently, involving black men, who when challenged by officers raised their hands to show compliance, and that they were unarmed,” he said. “And the problem with doing this is that to a police officer in contemporary America raised hands and compliance appears to be interpreted as an act of aggression – so they shoot first and ask questions later.

“Equally as dangerous – according to statistics – is lying on the ground twitching insensibly and helpless after being tasered. They’ll shoot you as sure as eggs is eggs. Nobody really understands why cops misinterpret these simple signals as acts of aggression likely to endanger police lives, but they do it all the time.

“There are dozens of video clips out there of people being shot for no apparent reason, people posing no obvious threat whatsoever. Maybe it’s the training, or the cops don’t understand the difference between reaching for your driving licence and reaching for a gun. Or by putting your hands up and not reaching for something while a bunch of cops keep screaming at you to get on the ground.

“There’s obviously something seriously wrong somewhere, but to be honest I haven’t got a clue how to sort it out. Unless black people in America just taser and shoot themselves to cut out the middle man. Or move somewhere where the cops are a bit less trigger happy.”

MS

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What Will A Brexit Vote Actually Give Us?

It's a gamble - however you look at it.

It’s a gamble – however you look at it.

With less than 48 hours to go to the referendum the vast majority of the British public appear to be uncertain regarding what will happen given either possible scenario, so here at Cafe Spike we’ve done a bit of research and in this, the first of a two part report we’ll reveal exactly what a Brexit vote will result in, and its effect on the man in the street. (Or woman – we aren’t sexist.)

Here at Cafe Spike we’ll tell the Brexit Brigade exactly what they want to hear. And here’s what we’re hearing (from Brexit voters) we’ll get:

*Control of our borders. (By building a sea between us and the rest of Europe and leaving it to it.)

*Stop immigration. (ALL immigration – the Aussie points system idea is just bullshit.)

*Get rid of everybody – especially the Eastern Europeans, the Muslims, and anyone with a tan who doesn’t holiday in Cornwall.

*Stop all benefits. (Apart from pensions and care home subsidies.)

*Put homeless people in camps.

*Put a stop to refugees. (Especially Muslims.)

*Close all holiday camps just in case.

*Ban tent sales. (Just in case.)

*Award knighthoods to Nigel Farage, Nick Griffin and Paul Nuttall.

*Make our own trade deals with rest of the English speaking world. (Especially China, India and the Commonwealth – if they’ll have us.)

*Bring back Love Thy Neighbour on the telly.

*Elevate Boris Johnson to Divine status.

*Award Iain Duncan Smith the Nobel Peace Price for his sterling work with the sick and the disabled.

*Bring back white dog shit.

*Make everybody rich.

*Have a World Cup where England win to regenerate interest in football.

*Deport all the Muslims.

*Turn all the mosques into lap-dancing clubs.

*Re-instate fish and chips as the nation’s favourite meal.

*Unlimited free online porn.

*Shoot all the leftist socialists.

*Bring back hanging. (Because we like hangings.)

*A return to good, commonsense Nazi values.

*Free Viagra.

*Immediate and mandatory execution of anyone refusing to toe the party line.

*Bring back Robinson’s Barley Water to the Wimbledon tennis championships.

*Scrap the NHS and focus on holistic medicine. (Unless you can afford to pay for such nonsense as life saving surgery etc.)

*Force the Express, the Mail and the Torygraph to stop censoring comments from sociopathic nutters in the interests of free speech.

*Burn every book ever written.

*Trash all museums and smash all the exhibits because life only begins on June 23rd 2016 in our hysterical nation.

*Think of another group to focus your righteous indignation on. (Maybe the Jews, or the Jehovah’s witnesses – or better still, the Irish, Scottish and the Welsh.)

*Fill the seas around the UK up with imported fish in order to replenish dwindling fish stocks. (so that we can fuck it all up again by overfishing.)

*Free everything. (Apart from beer and fags which will incur a nominal charge but be much cheaper than they are now.)

*The right to bear arms and go on high school and gay club killing sprees unfettered by red tape.

*Straight bananas, really powerful hoovers and proper British passports.

*The absolute right to eat bacon sandwiches at will.

** Based on the views of the absolute fucking idiots who comment on the websites of the Express, the Mail, the Scum and the Torygraph. (With particular emphasis on the Express.)

***Brought to you by Cafe Spike in the spirit of togetherness.

Paddy Berzinski

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Paul Golding and the protest that wasn’t.

Paul Golding and Jayda Fransen pictured storming a mosque somewhere in Yorkshire

Paul Golding and Jayda Fransen pictured storming a mosque somewhere in Yorkshire.

Widely condemned by the media for turning his back on Sadiq Khan’s London mayoral acceptance speech, Britain First’s leader Paul Golding was keeping a low profile today – but is Golding really a racist? And was his back turning gesture really a protest? Behavioural expert and prominent psychologist Professor Alfred Epstein is convinced there’s a simple explanation for Golding’s bizarre behaviour.

“I’ve studied the tapes and can only conclude that Golding was distracted,” wrote Professor Epstein in the London Journal of Psychology. “There’s a point where – as Sadiq Khan approaches the microphone – an expression of surprise crosses Golding’s face. Something has obviously startled him and distracted him from the main event. My guess is that he saw a squirrel or something similar larking about in a tree outside.

“We know from his history that Golding is a racist – although he denies it – but I’m convinced that the back turning episode wasn’t racially motivated. He lacks the intelligence for starters, which explains his “Ooh look! A squirrel!” moment. There’s no doubt that the gesture will have been seen and misconstrued by right wing nutters as a gesture of defiance, some form of misguided patriotic protest by a devout Christian soldier “defending our cultural heritage” or some such twaddle.

“It wasn’t. He’d spotted a squirrel. That’s all.

“Either way you care to look at it he comes out of this looking a right bellend.”

SN

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Migrant Hordes To Swarm UK Within Days As Island Loophole Exposed

Shoot them! - Daily Express reader comment

Shoot them! – Daily Express reader comment

France – People traffickers are gearing up for a cash bonanza after discovering legal loopholes caused by historical by-laws which will effectively allow them to transport migrants to Jersey and the Isle of Wight unhindered, and from there on to mainland Britain.

The by-laws – originally introduced in 1939 at the outbreak of World War II – state that Wight and Jersey guarantee safe passage to any person who lands on their shores as a result of flight from persecution.

Once in Wight or Jersey, all migrants will have to do is register at the local police station, where they will be issued with travel warrants – endorsed by the UK government, and funded by the European Union – after which they will be granted immediate entry to the mainland by ferry or by air, unrestricted by HM Border Force regulations on arrival.

The loophole was discovered by left wing infiltrators who were working as researchers at the BBC according to sources, before being relayed to the traffickers, who are reputed to be members of a Turkish crime family based in North London.

Some people traffickers have already set up shop in Creances on the Normandy coast and have already set up a ticket office and hired a number of high turnover vessels in order to facilitate the short voyage to Jersey.

Residents of the Jungle camp at Calais are said to be moving en masse to Cherbourg, where members of the same Turkish gang have leased a decommissioned cross channel ferry, funded by the EU to transport the migrants to Ventnor, on the Isle of Wight.

Officials on both islands are bracing themselves for a massive invasion as the government files emergency legislation in an extraordinary session in a scramble to close the legal loophole.

Jersey based airlines and Isle of Wight ferry operators are said to be working hard to secure additional capacity in order to accommodate the unprecedented influx by transferring them as rapidly as possible to the mainland.

More as we get it.

Billy Fisher for Cafe Spike

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DAILY EXPRESS Readers FOOLED By Another REALLY STUPID Headline

An angry EXPRESS reader pictured at the weekend

An angry EXPRESS reader pictured at the weekend

The ailing tabloid plumbed ever gloomier depths today as it headlined with a fake story about a Lebanese ‘child bride’ on its website. In a deliciously ironic twist, the Express managed to bamboozle its own readership as outraged readers pounded their keyboards in order to EXPRESS their fury.

The story, which involved a middle aged man posing with a child bride was a social experiment carried out in Beirut in order to gauge the reactions of passers by as the ‘happy couple’ posed for photographers – but many EXPRESS readers didn’t seem to get that bit.

What the right wing EXPRESS attack dogs don’t appear to understand is that nobody in their right mind, regardless of political persuasion, condones child abuse, child grooming or children being forced into marriage. The problem is that the EXPRESS and the extreme right seem to think that they alone are the possessors of a moral compass, ergo anyone who disagrees with them is a paedophile – even though that isn’t the point.

The sad truth is that these constant attacks are based on an old Nazi strategy. It’s all about dehumanising those who are viewed as enemies, instilling fear and hatred into everyday people and the removal of individuality. Hence the use of the word ‘migrants’ and the stream of sex attack stories. It’s cynical manipulation in order for the EXPRESS to reinforce its anti-EU stance among its gullible readership.

For all its jingoism it would be interesting to know how much the Express owner, Richard Desmond actually pays in taxes, and whether it would be in his own interests to exit the European Union.

In the meantime the EXPRESS continues to publish its UKIP inspired rubbish and the hate messages continue to pour in.

When it comes to dumb and dumber the EXPRESS surely takes the award for DUMBEST

Martin Shuttlecock

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UKIP Out Of Step With Core Support

The mark of the beast

The mark of the beast

In a concerted effort to throw off its swivel eyed racist loony image, UKIP have gone to extraordinary lengths to clean up their act, distancing themselves from far right extremist groups and stating repeatedly that they are not a racist party.

But is it working? And are they serious or are they just taking the piss?

It seems that although the party may in fact be serious about making a half baked attempt to make itself more acceptable to the public at large, it doesn’t seem that their hard core supporters adopt that line, with many accusing the party of going soft on issues such as race and Islam.

Given the venom directed at Muslims by so-called UKIP supporters online, support for far right extremist groups such as Pegida and even Britain First, anti-semitic statements and the applauding of acts of violence perpetrated against vulnerable refugees, UKIP’s hard core support appears to be more racist and xenophobic than ever.

Fair minded people accept that the refugee crisis is a problem which needs to be addressed, and that realistically there will be bad people among them, but that’s one for the authorities to sort out, not the foaming at the mouth lynch mobs who seem to crave a modern day Krystalnacht. With no appeal for calm or rational thinking coming from UKIP, one can only assume that the party condone the behaviour of their supporters, because they aren’t taking steps to suggest any otherwise.

One political observer remarked:

“It’s come to a point where anybody with the tiniest thread of human decency is going to go to extraordinary lengths to disassociate themselves with UKIP and with everything UKIP purport to represent, including a Brexit, because they’d be ashamed to admit it. It’s the fault of the party and its hardcore support and not any outside influence that UKIP has become a laughing stock across the length and breadth of the nation.

“The UKIP leadership has been ineffective since last year’s General Election, its finances appear to be at crisis point and its hardcore have repeatedly expressed themselves by posting hate messages on websites, openly supporting far right racist groups and generally making the Nazis appear like a far left tree-hugging group with their vile message.

“Nobody in their right mind would support such nonsense. When they were described by David Cameron as a bunch of swivel eyed loonies, the PM hit it right on the money, and he’s a bacon faced twat at the best of times, yet it’s a perfect illustration of how UKIP really are a bunch of shithouses.”

Martin Shuttlecock for Cafe Spike.com

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Daily Express Makes Complete Arse Of Itself AGAIN

If the Express did vampirism, this would be a crucifix

If the Express did vampirism, this would be a crucifix

The Daily Express confirmed its position as a laughing stock of the British press today by publishing a headline on its website confidently stating: “100,000 say NO to the EU: Poll PROVES Britain wants out of eurozone”

Really?

Now, we know that the Express supports UKIP and tolerates hate speech on a daily basis through its comments section, but could a right wing rag really be so idiotic as to actually believe its own warped version of reality and actually have the effrontery to publish such a nonsensical claim as a headlining story?

Sadly, yes.

Everybody knows that the Express supports UKIP and having demonised single parents and condemned benefit claimants to an eternity of burning brimstone they moved on to wholeheartedly support the demonisation of refugees fleeing a war zone amid a rabid hate campaign against anything remotely Islamic, but do they really expect anyone with half a functioning brain to believe that 92% of Britons want out of the EU?

Let’s just ponder that for a moment.

The Express website is pretty much a closed shop as far as comments go. Unless you’re a UKIP supporting conspiracy theorist lunatic, in which case it’s okay. But be warned – unless you’re a xenophobic, racist, psychotic hate monger you have to be brave to attempt to pose an alternative point of view. If you aren’t a Farage devotee, and have the audacity to speak out in public against these lunatics then you can expect a deluge of abuse, threats of violence, and intimidation from the Express’s bottom feeding denizens.

Did they really say that? Can anybody be THAT stupid?

Did they really say that? Can anybody be THAT stupid?

Dare to say anything rational on the Express comments section and you’ll be branded as a troll by the racist Pegida, Britain First supporting troglodytes who lurk in its depths.

Most of whom by their own admission hold several email accounts and post there under a variety of aliases – and thus have multiple votes in the so-called “poll.”

So 92% PROVE that Britain wants out of the EU?

Really?

92% of certifiable lunatic racist psychotics using multiple votes maybe. Even UKIP stated that the poll results were an embarrassment.

Which PROVES conclusively that the Daily Express and its readers are full of shit and talk absolute bollocks.

Martin Shuttlecock for Cafe Spike

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Daily Express Readers SLAM and BLAST Government Plans For Correct English

UKIP's Lord Mustard Pants of Thanet seen checking the UKIP bank balance last week.

UKIP’s Lord Mustard Pants of Thanet seen checking the UKIP bank balance last week.

Government plans to ensure that every UK resident should have an acceptable command of the English language, initially aimed at Islamic women has provoked an unexpected response from the most unlikely of sources – Daily Express readers.

“I can’t believe they’re investing £20 million in teaching Muslim economic migrants to speak and write decent English,” one FURIOUSLY OUTRAGED reader BLASTED and SLAMMED.What about us indigenous historic Britons who can’t talk or write English proper? They won’t pay us nothing to learn our own language but they don’t mind throwing money at the migrant scum. They’re all traitorous slags. Only Lord Nigel Mustard Pants of Thanet is qualified to run this country and as such he should be installed immediately in Downing Street. He’s the only patriot we have left. And he’d put the indigenous British population above the scrounging scum invading our country and destroying our traditional way of life so that WE can learn proper English too. Vote UKIP! VOTE OUT OF THE CORRUPT EU NOW!”

Although we weren’t quite sure where the irate Kipper was going with his BLASTING and SLAMMING, it’s our view that everyone should be entitled to a voice in the modern world and in the media, so there you go.

An independent analyst from the Department Of Inanity, a government think tank, told us:

“It’s common knowledge that Daily Express readers tend to have a poor command of both written and spoken English, although they’ve had a lifetime to learn it and experience exposure to it every day. For some reason, the comments on the DE’s online articles expose how crap most of them are at their native language. Most of them don’t seem to be able to even cast a critical eye over the dubious content of the articles they read on the DE website let alone post a coherent comment. If it’s racist in any way they lap it up like hungry kittens, yet they tell others to ignore mainstream media outlets. Our analysis revealed that they’re almost as illiterate as the wankers who post on the Britain First Facebook page. And that’s really saying something.”

When we spoke to a UKIP spokesman we were assured that: “Nigel Farage can do joined up writing, and that he’s currently working on the correct use of the apostrophe.”

Reg Bond for Cafe Spike

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