Calais Migrants Celebrate Brexit Vote

This man denied being a Daily Express Reader

This man denied being a Daily Express Reader

Thousands of migrants in the Jungle refugee camp on the outskirts of Calais have been applauding Britain’s referendum decision to part company with the EU, with parties and celebrations continuing throughout the weekend.

“This is wonderful news for us, and we’d all like to send our heartfelt thanks and eternal gratitude to the patriotic British Brexit voters who have furnished us with this fantastic opportunity,” said Mohammed Abassi, a Sudanese Muslim refugee. “In the past we’ve been hassled by the French police, who stop us from accessing the lorries bound for England, but now that Britain wants no truck with the French they’ll just let us do what we want because they just aren’t bothered any more.

“I’m told that getting to England will be much easier now as the frontier will be at Dover. Once we’re in, we’re in and there are many things we can do legally in order to stay. I love Brexit! Three cheers for Nigel Farage and Boris Johnson!”

“To be honest, when I voted for Brexit I didn’t envisage this,” said Britain First supporter Mickey “Knuckles” Cummings of Ashford, Kent. “Can somebody explain what all this means? I really ain’t got a clue when it comes to politics. I just like shouting a lot and being in a gang.”

More as we get it.



Nigel Farage Gives Rousing Speech To The Converted



UKIP leader Nigel Farage is reported to have delivered a rousing speech to a wildly enthusiastic group of Dutch anti-EU converts in the back room of a pub.

Reports are still coming through as to exactly what he said, but seasoned Nigel watchers appear to be suggesting that the content probably involved a great deal of anti-EU rhetoric and a fearsome rant about tsunamis of refugees approaching biblical proportions coming over here to steal our jobs and rape our womenfolk.

It’s not known if Mr Farage encountered and was made to feel uncomfortable by hordes of alien invaders who don’t speak English on the local metro system, but without doubt the Daily Express website will keep us up to speed.

“What a waste of time that was,” said expat John Longworth. “It was just the same old recycled guff from the clapped out old windbag, but it was nice to see he was wearing the mustard coloured corduroy pants again. Having said that, it was more like a Britain First meeting in the back room of an Essex pub than a Nuremburg rally type of thing.

PB for Cafe Spike.


Migrant Hordes To Swarm UK Within Days As Island Loophole Exposed

Shoot them! - Daily Express reader comment

Shoot them! – Daily Express reader comment

France – People traffickers are gearing up for a cash bonanza after discovering legal loopholes caused by historical by-laws which will effectively allow them to transport migrants to Jersey and the Isle of Wight unhindered, and from there on to mainland Britain.

The by-laws – originally introduced in 1939 at the outbreak of World War II – state that Wight and Jersey guarantee safe passage to any person who lands on their shores as a result of flight from persecution.

Once in Wight or Jersey, all migrants will have to do is register at the local police station, where they will be issued with travel warrants – endorsed by the UK government, and funded by the European Union – after which they will be granted immediate entry to the mainland by ferry or by air, unrestricted by HM Border Force regulations on arrival.

The loophole was discovered by left wing infiltrators who were working as researchers at the BBC according to sources, before being relayed to the traffickers, who are reputed to be members of a Turkish crime family based in North London.

Some people traffickers have already set up shop in Creances on the Normandy coast and have already set up a ticket office and hired a number of high turnover vessels in order to facilitate the short voyage to Jersey.

Residents of the Jungle camp at Calais are said to be moving en masse to Cherbourg, where members of the same Turkish gang have leased a decommissioned cross channel ferry, funded by the EU to transport the migrants to Ventnor, on the Isle of Wight.

Officials on both islands are bracing themselves for a massive invasion as the government files emergency legislation in an extraordinary session in a scramble to close the legal loophole.

Jersey based airlines and Isle of Wight ferry operators are said to be working hard to secure additional capacity in order to accommodate the unprecedented influx by transferring them as rapidly as possible to the mainland.

More as we get it.

Billy Fisher for Cafe Spike


The Refugee Crisis – Discuss

Think about the bountiful food banks son

Think about the bountiful food banks son

Is this the end of the world as we know it? Probably – at least it is if you read the comments section in the Daily Express. According to the DE readers we’re being swamped by hordes of cockroach-like benefit scroungers, hell bent on converting the indigenous population to Islam and Sharia law. Our culture and essential nationally established Christianity are being eroded by the EUSSR (Whatever that is) the Coudenhove-Kalergi Plan (No idea what that is either) and we’re all doomed. The end of the world is nigh.

That’s if we don’t all freeze to death in the DE’s predicted six-month Arctic Winter.

It’s an emotive issue for sure, and one which has the most liberal of people fuming into their cappuccino’s. The logic works like this: Why should we help these benefit scroungers when we can’t look after our own elderly? When young couples can’t get on the bottom rung of the housing ladder? When our streets are littered with rough sleepers? When we treat our ex-service personnel like social lepers once their service is over?

On the surface it’s a reasonable argument. People are running scared. Scrape away the veneer of the argument and two questions stand out. In our right wing orientated ‘me me me’ society, did anybody really give a shit about the homeless? The elderly? The ex-service personnel? Those on zero hour contracts? The other question is: What does any of this have to do with helping refugees?

The sad truth is that the vast majority of people didn’t give a rat’s arse about the elderly, the veterans, the homeless or the poor. Most people didn’t give a flying fuck, and therein lies the problem. What does it have to do with helping refugees? Sweet fuck all.

And all this bollocks about being a proud Christian nation? When did you last go to church? Christian churches have been battling falling congregations for decades, because too many true and proud Christians would rather go down the car boot sale on a Sunday morning.

Back to the refugees…they’re stuck between a rock and a hard place. IS on the one side, Assad’s barrel bombs on the other, not forgetting Al Qaeda and the Al Nusra Front. According to many, the young men among the refugees should be staying put and fighting for their homeland. But fighting with what? Shovels? Kitchen knives? Frying pans? They can’t stand and fight because they have nothing to fight with. You can’t fight tanks, machine guns, assault rifles and on the Assad side an air force with sticks and stones. So they fled. It was either run or die for most of them. Imagine yourself in such a circumstance.

Not being completely wet behind the ears, I can see that among the genuine refugees there are economic migrants, and even potential terrorists. Just think about the latter for a moment. IS boast that they’ll smuggle thousands of jihadists into the country, and again, people here are scared. But could they actually do that? Many of the genuine refugees come in village and family units – they know who is IS and who isn’t. Would they make the journey with sleepers in their midst? Somehow I doubt that, but most people seem to take the propaganda at face value as dispensed by the ever reliable tabloids.

The refugees didn’t impose benefit sanctions on the sick, disabled and unemployed. Nor did they have any bearing on how our elderly, the homeless, or the ex-service personnel are treated. We need to look a little closer to home for that. That is our government’s responsibility. They collect the taxes and they decide how that money is to be spent. Rather than help the disadvantaged they’ve chosen to allow billion pound industries to evade paying any tax at all. They’ve supported bankers’ bonuses amounting to millions. They squandered a billion of tax payers’ money in a single day by selling off a portion of RBS to their mates. And the supreme irony is that they were democratically elected – despite them telling everybody in the clearest possible terms what they were going to do. As that doyen of the Daily Mail, Richard Littlejohn might say: “You couldn’t make it up!”

As for the refugees, blissfully unaware of our first world problems they cling to flimsy dinghies bobbing around in the Mediterranean swells and shitting themselves, praying they won’t drown en-route, or they scramble through razor wire in Eastern Europe hoping not to be on the wrong end of a kick in the bollocks from a burly Hungarian riot cop. Hoping for sanctuary, hoping for safety, and if we aren’t all too busy at the time maybe a word of welcome, a smile and a friendly word or gesture.

Let’s not forget that it was principally the UK and the USA who instigated this state of play, this theatre of war, by arming Assad’s opponents because Assad didn’t fit in with their agenda. Effectively we armed and equipped IS – or Daesh as they should more correctly be described – thus causing this tide of human misery to flee the Daesh and abandon their homes. Or at least the ones that weren’t already razed to the ground. It’s our duty to help these people, our collective obligation.

Austerity doesn’t work. Our problems are problems of our own design, and nothing to do with refugees. We can afford to spend half a million on a missile to blow up a pick-up truck but Jimmy from down the road gets his benefits stopped because he was two minutes late for an appointment, combat veterans with mental health issues can be abandoned to a life without a roof over their heads and we can’t offer a helping hand to people whose problems are directly attributable to us.

Stop the world – I really do want to get off.

Martin Shuttlecock.