Bear Grylls shouldn’t be drinking his own p*ss – A Cafe Spike Campaign

Don't be tight! Buy the intrepid adventurer a pint!

Don’t be tight! Buy the intrepid adventurer a pint!

Yes, we’re on the scrounge again because we’re sick and tired of an iconic British legend having to sleep in animal carcasses, dive into freezing rivers, cross gorges on fallen trees hand over hand and having to drink his own piss.

So we’re having a whip round in order to raise some cash so that Bear Grylls, ex-SAS, spinal injury victim and Everest summiteer can have a decent pint of cold beer, and if we can raise enough cash perhaps fund the intrepid explorer for a ploughman’s lunch, or a burger or a Sunday roast or something.

We can’t have an iconic British explorer straining camel shit through a sock, eating bugs and snakes when there’s a simpler and more dignified alternative. Like a hearty gastro pub lunch.

You can help us to help Bear by sending us as much money as you can afford – preferably in used notes – so that we can give the poor bastard a decent dinner.

That’s if we can find his address to send donations to. If we can’t we’ll think of an alternative, although we aren’t currently accepting any liability.

Send your donation to the usual address because it makes no sense whatsoever for the epitome of British epirit de corps to be harvesting his own armpit sweat and eating raw cockroach heads.

It’s just wrong.

Ted Pemberton

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