Theresa May addicted to lemon-sucking claims quack doctor

Is this possible? Could Theresa May’s continuously gurning visage be a side effect of uncontrolled lemon sucking or is it just a load of old nonsense? We contacted the quack doctor who made the outrageous claim and this is what he told us:

Theresa May could probably  be a secret lemon-sucker. Possibly.

Theresa May could probably be a secret lemon-sucker. Possibly.

“It certainly isn’t a load of old nonsense,” Dr Randall Flagg – who isn’t a proper doctor – told us. “It’s actually a very real possibility that Theresa May is hiding an uncontrollable urge, otherwise known as an addiction, to suck lemons.

“You can see it in her expression when she’s on the telly, and it becomes even more blatant on an HD telly. It’s almost as if she’s got such a bad taste in her mouth that she really wants to spit it out. She does it all the time.

“Don’t tell that you haven’t noticed it. She quite often looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp, or a koala bear chewing a pissy nettle.

“It could well be about an addiction to sucking lemons.

“Whatever it is, it’s some kind of adverse reaction.

“I suppose it could be that she’s allergic to all the absolute bollocks that she continually spouts, when she can be arsed to even show up that is.

“But I’m sticking with the lemon theory.”

What do you think? Is Theresa May a lemon sucker as the quack doctor claims or is it just a load of old bollocks? Don’t bother telling us either way because we aren’t really interested.

In other news – reports are coming in that a Nottingham pensioner has been carrying out random attacks on cyclists, leaving many traumatised.

More as we get it.

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