Titchfield Mayor Elect – Inauguration show line up

Titchfield residents are said to be excited by the inauguration show.

Titchfield residents are said to be excited by the inauguration show.

Newly elected Titchfield Mayor, Barry Slade has finally announced the line up ahead of his inauguration in the grounds of Titchfield Abbey tomorrow. (Weather permitting.)

“The Mayoral inauguration ceremony has become a newly traditional annual event held every four years or so, for the first time this year,” explained Mayor Slade. “And it’s going to be a cracking show, showcasing the very best of local talent, locally, providing it doesn’t rain and it isn’t too cold out.

“The show will take place on a temporary stage erected on the south lawn outside the abbey ruins and will be recorded for posterity by the local TV news channel – providing they show up – and by Bob Wilton, the renowned local film maker. We’re confident it will be a major success and put Titchfield on the world map as a centre of political and performing arts excellence,” said Mayor Slade.

The line up:

Dave Davidson – Tommy Cooper impersonator.

Sherry Newton – Dad dancing for beginners

Traction – Country and Western impersonators.

Rolf Golf – WWII German stick grenade juggler.

Fanny Haddock – Crap cookery for idiots. (Demonstration.)

Professor Ken Mist – Rambling on about about newts.

Inchcock Chambers – Slideshow of photographicalisations taken on his walks round and about. (Includes duck feeding and interesting uses for beetroot.)

U2* – TBC

Bruce Springsteen and The E Street Band* – Providing the Email was genuine.

Michael George – Culture Club tribute band.

Amy Ferris – Local poet reading selected verse from her ebook poetry anthology “The Miserable Menopause.”

Attendees are advised that in the event of inclement weather the event is subject to change without notice.

“We’re expecting a bumper crowd,” said Mayor Slade. “So we’re advising people to turn up early, but obviously not while it’s still dark because that would be too early and the pub will be shut. Having said that, I can’t wait to welcome the international audience. My good friend Gerald is married to a Lithuanian lady and she’s coming, as is Pavel who I used to work with at the council. He’s from Krakow don’t you know.”

Additional attractions include a burger van and a stand where you have to guide a copper loop around a bendy wire attached to a car battery without ringing the bell. (Which is more difficult than it sounds.)

The event kicks off at about 11am Friday – or whenever everyone finally gets there. Free parking is available at the adjacent Garden Centre providing you can convince the staff there that you might be buying a shed or something.

Paddy Berzinski

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