UKIP in revolt over Nigel Farage’s pants

A hint of Nigel's mustard pants (bottom)

A hint of Nigel’s mustard pants (bottom)

Furious UKIP members have been turning on party leader, Nigel Farage and blaming his disastrous jacket and pants combo for the party’s humiliating defeat at the Oldham West and Royton by election. UKIP had been confident of putting a huge dent in the Labour vote, and everything seemed to be going swimmingly well until Mr Farage rolled into town wearing his bizarre mustard corduroys and a really weird sort of greenish checked jacket which conjured up visions of regurgitated salad leaves.

“I thought I was seeing things when Nigel turned up dressed in that outfit,” UKIP voter Terry Danzig said. “Who on earth wears a jacket like that in this day and age? And don’t even get me started on mustard pants. Even a circus clown would think twice about dressing like that. In fact I was so ashamed that I changed my mind and voted Labour in the end. Mustard pants are so unpatriotic.”

“I thought he was the Monster Raving Loony Party candidate at first,” another UKIP member groaned. “It was so embarrassing. No self respecting party leader should be dressing in mustard pants. That outfit is the sort of thing Chris Eubank might have worn when he was doing his lord of the manor thing. I doubt that even Russell Brand would be seen dead in mustard pants and a puke green check jacket.”

Not all UKIP members were in agreement though, with a handful giving Mr Farage’s mustard pants a firm thumbs up.

Ole mustard pants as seen on Café Spike's clapped out laptop

Ole mustard pants as seen on Café Spike’s clapped out laptop

“I thought the mustard pants were brilliant,” a man who called himself UKIP Dave said. “In fact I’ve got the wife scouring e-Bay as we speak for a nice pair of mustard pants in a 42″ waist and a 25″ inside leg. If mustard pants are good enough for Nigel then they’ll do for me. I’m just hoping there’s a pair out there my size. I’m a bit of a queer shape you see, but I live in hope.”

“I don’t see what all the fuss is about really,” said a UKIP member who called himself Greeny. “I thought the mustard pants were perfectly acceptable. Mind you I am colour blind.”

A source at UKIP HQ however was less than enthusiastic.

“Whoever heard of a leader wearing mustard pants?” she scoffed. “Churchill certainly wouldn’t have worn them and neither would Mrs Thatcher. Mustard pants are definitely traitorous and unpatriotic, so I shall be organising a petition to have Nigel ‘Mustard Pants’ Farage ousted from office. We need a charismatic leader in our party, like Paul Nuttall or Tommy Robinson, not some cultural Marxist wearing gay mustard pants. If I had my way Farage would be shot, with a gun, for bringing the party into disrepute.”

More as we get it.

Martin Shuttlecock

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