UKIP Plan to reintroduce steam engines, rickets and head lice

Here's a steam train we cleaned up earlier.

Here’s a steam train we cleaned up earlier.

Sources are reporting that in a bid to assuage disgruntled Brexit supporters who were expecting a 21st century re-enactment of Kristallnacht and a Stalinesque purge, UKIP will be campaigning to reintroduce steam engines on British railways, and throw in rickets and head lice for the kiddies as an added bonus.

“This is great, the best news I’ve heard in decades,” said Daily Express comments section veteran NotaNaziReally. “It’ll be just like the glorious 50’s and 60’s before the moose limb invasion and will certainly put the Great back in Britain. We”l have proper trains again – where the driver and fireman shit on the same shovel they cook their breakfast bacon and eggs on and bandy legged kids all over the place scratching their heads like men possessed. I can’t wait!”

But the plans haven’t exactly been met with unanimous approval.

“I was never keen on steam trains, or rickets, diphtheria, scurvy or any of that stuff,” said veteran journalist Gerald “Inchcock” Chambers from Nottingham. “I lived near the main line as a nipper and the passing trains used to shake the bones of the house, as well as spew out sparks and soot and all manner of filth. And there were nowt nostalgic baht my childhood – none of us kids ever had enough to eat and we were all forever poorly. Why anyone would ever want to go back to them days is beyond me. Mind you, I were younger then, and a bit more sprightly than I am now, but that’s abaht it really.”

“Ha! This Inchcock character sounds like a proper PC cultural Marxist lefty traitor to me,” retorted NotANaziReally. “I’d be willing to bet he voted to remain in the EU along with his fellow Trotskyite Marxist EUSSR shills. Some people really don’t think these things through…”

More when Nelson gets his eye back.

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